Men’s Mental Health And The Cost Of Staying Quiet

Silence can look like strength, but it often feels like pressure. We’re Rob and Jay, and we sit down during Mental Health Awareness Month to talk about men’s mental health in plain language: the kind of stress you carry quietly, the emotions you swallow, and the exhaustion you can’t “push through” forever. Mental health isn’t just about diagnosis, it’s about daily well-being, and a lot of us were never taught how to name what’s happening in our heads.

We dig into silent pressure and emotional suppression, especially for men who are expected to lead as fathers, sons, and providers. We talk about how the old scripts still show up in real life: “be a man,” “stop crying,” and the idea that your feelings only matter if they fit someone else’s narrative. When that’s the environment, it makes sense that a lot of men stop sharing, not because they don’t feel, but because they don’t see a benefit and they expect judgment.

From there, we unpack what masking pain can look like: being the funny one, staying angry, burying yourself in work, or going quiet while depression hides underneath. We also get into mental health days and why workplaces are finally taking mental breaks more seriously, even if many managers still act like your job is on the line no matter what you’re carrying.

Finally, we talk communication and why opening up can feel like crossing a threshold you can’t uncross, especially with a partner. If you’ve ever felt unseen, unheard, or disrespected for being honest, this conversation is for you. Subscribe, share this with a friend who stays quiet, and leave us a review. What’s one sign you’re mentally exhausted?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to another episode of Hops and Sun Conversations. As always, it is your favorite silver fox, Rob Aloy.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And then son here, Mr. Check, three times.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

And here we are. Jay, how you feeling?

SPEAKER_01 0:24

I'll be honest. Okay. I'm alright. I'm gonna say I'm alright. I ain't gonna say that I'm the best on top of the world, but I'm alright.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Okay, fair enough. Uh I'm dealing with a little bit of congestion a little bit. Um did some traveling. And uh, you know, man, trying to bounce back. So this is gonna be a really, really good episode because of course, you know, we're we're deep in May. And um May is mental health awareness month. Yeah. Uh as everyone knows, because it's it's all over the place. It's almost trendy that you know we're talking about mental health, but nevertheless, uh the importance is there, and um

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_00 1:14

we're gonna dig in with uh mental health with men. You know, men like us, fathers, sons, you know, businessmen, uh, you know, all of that. Uh mentor, mentee, you know, just kind of dealing with uh everything that comes with it. So uh let's tackle it, Jay. Let's just go ahead and jump right in.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

Yeah, I mean, let's let's just go ahead and jump right in. You know, I I think about, like you said, mental health is super trendy right now. It's kind of been gaining a lot of steam, really, over the past, I say maybe like five, six years. Yep. Um, you know, in our community, because you know, a lot of people don't really like to I ain't even gonna say they don't like to talk about it. I think that we we didn't really have a way to identify it. Um or maybe we didn't really understand what it was. So uh now that we kind of have the the tools and the terminology to really explain what's going on mentally, um, I think people are kind of taking heed to it and at least trying to combat it, right? Because there is no type of cure, you know what I'm saying? Uh specifically when you're talking about just like mental illness, which I mean they kind of blend, but your mental health is really just more about your well-being, which the same way you take care of yourself, your physical self, you should be trying to exercise your ment, you, you, your mental as well, and try to take care of it there. So really that's all it is.

Mental Health Gets A New Language

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Um but uh there are a few things, like, you know, I I'll go ahead and start off with one of them. Yeah. Uh especially as men, we deal with uh silent pressure.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

And and basically what that is, is you know, we're kind of taught to suppress our emotions. Um, you know, ladies, I know y'all probably this sounds familiar to you because you you might have a guy in your life that you feel like he's never, you know, expressing himself to you or or or telling you how he feels, which I don't know, Pops, like that's a mental health thing, but for me too, sometimes I just be like, man, I don't see the point in really telling you how I feel right now. Wow. But that might be backed into like, you know, what what what it's really all about. So I mean we can unpack that, but yeah, I definitely see silent pressure as one of the things that we deal with.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Yeah, I agree with you 100%. And uh, we just have to be honest because historically, you know, even as a people, we've been silenced, you know. And so the leaders of uh the household, the leaders of the community, um, it's something that has

Silent Pressure And Emotional Suppression

SPEAKER_00 4:05

been dealt with, you know, you know, for centuries, as far as you can go back. And so it's like uh who shows us the way to express ourselves, who shows us the way to be more vulnerable, who shows us the way to really be that person that expresses themselves and and is able to articulate those things, and so it's it's gonna be individualized, but it will continue to be a topic, and for some people continue to be an issue until it's uh you know um accepted. Uh because when you know, as men, when we do express ourselves, I mean, and even in today, in uh today's society, you know, if people don't like that, if women don't like that, man, they're gonna call you names, right? If they don't agree with, you know, your expressions, if they don't agree with, you know, uh your your truth, um, and they don't respect your plight, then that type of cycle will continue to go on. And so uh, you know, we have to find ways to uh push through, you know, this thing here because it's always it's always gonna be, you know, something. And so we just have to, you know, learn how to navigate through that. And I think, again, you know, pops and sun conversations kind of helps with that uh process because it is a process. And so I think what we really want to do, uh, and I don't know if we'll be able to do all this in one episode or not, but uh we want to just kind of show our side of things and why we think the way we think, and a lot of times why men do things and don't do things. And you know, again, to your point, uh mental health awareness will incorporate a lot of different things. Obviously, uh, you know, mental illnesses, um, healthy uh mental exercises. So we're gonna we're gonna uh incorporate all those things the best we can and uh make it digestible. I guess that would be the best word uh when we talk about that. So man, I I I can't get past you know what you said about you know being almost forced to suppress our emotions. It's almost like our our uh ideals and uh our plight doesn't matter if it doesn't fit the narrative of you know those that that we're with. And man, it's like a culture, uh it's still a culture of you know, be a man and and and man up and and and and don't act like a bitch. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's it's crazy because you know these uh these are pressures that are coming from men that aren't comfortable expressing themselves, and then women that basically like don't really care you know about your feelings if it doesn't fit their narrative. So let's let's do the best we can to kind of navigate, but obviously we're not gonna be able to get through what all we need to get through um you know in these in these few moments. But we do pray that this uh these seeds are falling on good ground because we're not trying to antagonize anyone, we're just trying to give you guys the real deal. Um and uh a lot of times men won't express that because they don't see the point. Uh they don't see any benefit uh for you know expressing themselves. Uh it just feels like you're gonna be judged no matter what.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Right, and it's tough. It's it's it's super tough, and that kind of leads to another point, the masking pain behind like so you're silent, and why are you silent? Why don't you want to express yourself? It's probably because you're hiding some pain or you don't want to seem vulnerable about something that you probably you might got something going on in life, or maybe you are just thinking about things. And you know, I think a lot of times we underestimate exactly how crippling um these um these moments can be when when when you're in your head, when when when your mentality is not where it should be, there's a lot of factors that that that go into it. Um and I do kind of want to give some, I don't want to sound all dark and gloomy the whole time. I do want to kind of give some some ways to kind of come combat that and deal with it. But you know, a lot of times what masking looks like is it's kind of you know being goofy, being humorous. It can be being angry, right? It can be just being a workaholic, you know, staying busy so you don't have to kind of deal with

Masking Pain With Humor And Work

SPEAKER_01 9:12

what you're going through. And then again, that silence too. That the silence hides depression as well. So um, you know, it can look like you could look like you're high functioning, but at the same time, you're really masking. Um so you know, a lot of fellas deal with that along with, you know, the silent pressure. So these are kind of some things that you may, that you may not have known that you were doing that could, you know, have some some root causes to it that maybe you need to exercise your mental. Like we got those few, you know, cues when we know we need to start exercising, you know what I'm saying? Right. That they kind of tell you that your body might need some some cardio or something. These are the signs that you can look for to say, hey, I might need, you know, it sounds funny when we say it now because it kind of wasn't a term before, but that um that that mental health, that what is called, that um yeah, I think that is what what they say. I I need a mental health day. Like that's the real thing. That's it. You know, that's a real thing because you can be exhausted mentally. And um, like I said, we didn't have that term before, but now that we know it, we can identify, we can tell somebody, hey, look, I'm mentally exhausted right now. Just how you tell people, you know, you're tired when you don't really want to do something, you know, I'm tired.

SPEAKER_00 10:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

You know, you can use that too, and and people just have to understand that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Yeah, yeah, man. That's so powerful, Jay. And uh since it's been introduced into the corporate world, you know that it's major now because obviously there's some, you know, some uh law suits that can be justified um when you're not giving you know your employees a mental break. You know, um that's uh one of those things where you can easily tell. You can easily tell that it's major um because it's it's being put on notice. And and now all of a sudden, you know, they're bringing in therapists and they're uh you know making sure that if you need that time, that they give you a lot of time. Because let's let's be honest, now I'm no longer in the corporate world and I haven't been in a while, but I do remember the um insensitivities of managers and supervisors. Like, no, you better get to work, you or you're gonna lose your job. I I remember those type of things um back in when

Mental Health Days And Workplace Reality

SPEAKER_00 11:50

I was in the corporate world, not to me necessarily, and of course, being in the military, that's a whole nother subject. We probably have to do a whole nother uh episode specifically on military life and PTSD and all that stuff. But I do remember in the corporate world that you know your job was on the line. And no matter what it was, you know, you could say, hey, you know, my kids are having a it uh some having some issues with my kids, or you know, I'm just a little bit overwhelmed, and they're like, you know, okay, well, I'll tell you what, you show up in the next 30 minutes with a job, or you don't worry about coming back. Like that is a lot of people's reality right now. And so I know that that that's uh man, it can be tough. So I know that you know, these are things that people have to deal with that now um you have to make sure they have a mental break, or they're gonna pull up in a Hum V, man, straight to the office. How you like them apples for real? How you like them, man? How you like them? So, man, that's kind of one of them things that uh everybody has a story, of course. And um, it's one of those things. But you know what? But before we we wrap up, because obviously we're gonna have to do this again. Let's just kind of tap in. I want you to kind of tap in uh when it comes to the communication, Jay. I mean, I think that that's something that a lot of ladies would like us to uh delve in a little bit. And you know, a lot of times, man, I just feel like that the ladies think that it's them. You know, what's wrong with me? Why aren't you communicating with me? What's the deal with me? They really don't understand that that guy is dealing with some things within. So it's almost like, well, how can you really support him, or how can you really identify that that your guy is going through some things? Because keep in mind, when he was a Jit, you know, that's a Florida thing, y'all know, right? Right. When he was a Jit, you told him to be quiet. You told him nobody wants to hear what you got to say. You told him to stop crying. So now you want him to express himself, right? It be very clear and transparent.

Why Communication Feels Risky

SPEAKER_00 14:05

But um, I mean, so what do you think about that when it just comes to the communication thing? Uh, and we're talking about mental health with men.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Yeah, I think it's another one of those um, you know, you know, it can be crippling, but I think what it really boils down to with why men often struggle to talk about these things is because I don't know, like I I'm not sure. So I know for me personally, I'm kind of like an evidence-based person. So um, you know, if I if I try something and I don't really get the experience that I thought I would get out of it, or or if it doesn't pan out how I think it should, I'm a lot less likely inclined to do that again. So I think a lot of men maybe have made that first step before, tried the communication thing, tried to open up, tried to share their feelings, tried to vent and all these different things. And then maybe not saying they got burnt, but maybe it just kind of didn't pan out. And then so you kind of take a step back and look at it, and you're like, okay, I put myself all the way out there, and I didn't really gain much from that, even you know, and I I do think it's different with genders because, you know, I could talk to my homies about stuff, and I know, you know, we talk about it's it's it's all good, but there is a difference when you talk to um women, particularly, particularly like a significant or somebody that you fancy. You know what I'm saying? Like you don't want to come off a certain type of way, and there's just like an irreversible, it's like a threshold. And I don't care what anybody says, you could women can say that, no, I understand, and I, you know, I don't look at you different, but there is a threshold. And there's those same type of thresholds for women that guys see. Like it's there's a point of no return that that women can cross. And so I think that, you know, y'all just gotta kind of recognize that, you know, the venting and all that stuff is one of those threshold points. And unless you're gonna be extremely careful, extremely uh meticulous and careful about how you're dealing with that man and how he's expressing himself and sharing his emotions to you, um, you know, it's it's it's like it's like you're holding the egg. You know, once you once you drop the egg and the crack open, that's Humpty Dumpty. You know, you can't put that back together again. So you just kind of have to really tread lightly with that if you care about that man. Um, because I don't care. Like I said, it's it's for all guys. We are not going to look vulnerable to a point that it can be not even saying that women do this weaponized, but even if there's any type of inkling of that, like we don't want to feel like, because we didn't have to, we didn't have to say nothing in the first place, right? And we would have been just fine. So it's like we take that risk, and if it don't pan out, then it's just it's not it's not gonna happen again.

SPEAKER_00 17:13

Man, look, uh I I don't even really want to dig in too much more because I I think there will be merging or meshing um episodes, but uh I I want to table this, Jay, because I think that it's it's vital to have these conversations because I feel like a therapy session right now. Yeah, oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like we're really having a breakthrough right now, um, because it's not easy to have these conversations, because knowing uh some of the outcomes that we've had historically, whether it whether it be uh a relationship, whether it be your peers, whether it be your family members, and uh this is something that I can guarantee every man has experienced a moment where he feels unseen, unheard, and dare I say disrespected. And I'm not exaggerating when I say disrespected, because if we was to tell our counterpart that what they're saying ain't really about nothing or not really important right now, or let's deal with that later, you got stuff that you need to do and handle, then it would be uh a whole nother situation. And we we all know that. So uh yeah, so let's let's deal with this also the next episode. You know, we're talking about mental health uh month, uh awareness month, and and really obviously every day should be mental health awareness, but you know, um with with where we are in in society, you know, things are uh I don't know, man, commercialized is maybe maybe the word, you know. So uh um we're gonna keep rocking this thing out. So look, check us out next episode. If you missed any prior episodes, you already know what to do. Um hit us on those platforms. And uh look, we're signing out, man. Uh Pops and Son Conversations, it's your favorite so Fox Rob Malloy.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

And his son aka check three times.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

I will see you next time, y'all. Peace. Peace.