Pops and Son Conversations
Join US Air Force Veteran, Presidential Achievement Award Recipient, author, philanthropist, and social media influencer, Rob Malloy, and his son, author and model, Javan Anderson, as they navigate the generation gap with humor and heart.
On this podcast, Rob and Javan tackle a wide range of topics – from life lessons and fatherhood to current events and pop culture – offering a unique blend of old-school wisdom and new-school perspectives. Expect lively debates, unexpected insights, and plenty of laughs along the way.
Tune in to Pops and Son Conversations and discover:
- Candid conversations: Rob and Javan share their honest thoughts and experiences, providing a refreshing take on intergenerational relationships.
- Diverse perspectives: Hear how Rob's traditional values intersect with Javan's modern outlook, creating dynamic and engaging discussions.
- Humor and heart: Enjoy a show that's both entertaining and thought-provoking, leaving you with a smile and something to ponder.
Subscribe now and join the conversation!
Pops and Son Conversations
Episode 6: Exploring the Overlooked Journey of Single Fathers: A Pops and Son Dialogue
Why do single fathers often find themselves overlooked in the conversation about single parenthood? My Pops and I, explore this pressing issue, dissecting the societal expectations that have conditioned fathers to provide and protect without expecting recognition or support. Using the poignant narrative of "Pursuit of Happiness," we illustrate the extreme lengths single fathers often go to in their pursuit of stability and care for their children. As we delve into this theme, we highlight the historical backdrop of these challenges and question the empathetic discrepancies between single mothers and fathers.
We then journey into the shifting paradigms of fatherhood, particularly challenging the stereotype of the absent father in the black community. As we spotlight the growing visibility of dedicated fathers, we critique the media’s portrayal of family dynamics, which often prioritizes broken narratives over those of resilience and dedication. The episode also tackles the societal biases that persist, resulting in a lack of praise and support for single fathers, despite their increasing presence and involvement.
Finally, we address the glaring gap in resources available to single fathers. Why is there no equivalent to programs like WIC for dads? The societal expectation for men to independently "figure it out" is neither fair nor sustainable. Our discussion underscores the importance of building robust community support systems and recognizes the critical roles both parents play in their children's lives. We invite you to engage with us, share your thoughts, and contribute to this evolving conversation, as we continue to foster a community built on mutual understanding and support.
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Pops and Son Conversations. Welcome, it's your favorite still Fox, rob Malloy.
Speaker 2:And son here, javon. And on today's episode we want to talk about the plight of a single father. Dad, the plight of a single father.
Speaker 1:You really trying to do this today, son? Yeah, I think it's a good topic. It is a good topic. I think that it's also might be a little controversial and we might have to deal with some double standards. But you know what, man, we're not shying away from any topic. Man, let's get to it.
Speaker 2:All right, cool. So yeah, you already mentioned double standards, so I'm going to hit you right off the bat with this one. All right, this is a double standard. Why don't you think that single fathers get the same level of empathy as single mothers?
Speaker 1:Well, good question. What comes to mind right off the top, Jay, is we don't ask for it.
Speaker 1:We don't ask for the grace, we don't ask for the sympathy, we don't ask for empathy as well. Historically, know, historically, it's just hey, a father's gonna do whatever he needs to do, um, even if it costs his life. Yeah, life costs his life. Uh, you know, it's just one of those things, jay, that in the world that we live in, and I would say specifically for us melanated brothers, that, uh, you know, we, we've always been the one to get out there and hustle, make it happen, uh, provide, protect, serve, and, um, you know, if we have to put some things on the back burner that we may need personally, just to make sure that the family's good or to make it look like, you know, the family's good, that's just a sacrifice that we've been making for, I'd probably say, centuries.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and while I agree with everything that you're saying, dad, there's still an issue there, right, because while we do carry that burden, we carry that load it's not easy, right and the perception of the single father. You know, honestly, when I think about, when I hear single father, I don't know why, but I always flash back to the movie Pursuit of Happiness that Will Smith played in, and you know, that movie is so dramatic, it's such a deep movie and just the concept of it, and I believe it was based on a true story, if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:But I mean, when you think about all of the struggles that that man went through, you know, and him having his son and you know, I remember the scene, you know he trying to leave him at the daycare, and the lady's like nah, like you don't get those stories in the real world, although it is happening, we don't get that story, we don't hear that narrative. And I definitely think that when it comes to the single father, although we're made to well, we've been conditioned and historically you know we've carried the load and this, that and the third. But just look at the comparison. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't say it's, I wouldn't say like I'm not going to sit here and say it's harder or it's easier on either one, but I do know for a fact that just the same way that he was, you know, outside that daycare trying to figure out what he was going to do, you know he didn't have any resources. You know, as a single father, or things available, you know at the woman's disposal, as a single mother, that as singles fathers, we just don't have that. You know what I'm saying. And that's how you lead to those cases where he's just trying to figure it out. Like you know, he's sleeping in the subway, sleeping on like it's crazy. You know you wouldn't even think of a scenario like that. You know, with a single mother like that, because there's just so many ways and things that they could take advantage of. You know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's some really good points. I can't even argue with you on that, because I know, for me, you know I've had some struggles, I've, you know, been a father, you know who was single. You know I've had some struggles. I've, you know, been a father. You know who was single, you know, and I don't think that people will really realize what that challenge and what that plight looks like. The kids don't even necessarily have to be with the father full time for there to be a struggle, because you know, sometimes that father, depending on what resources he does have, whether it is a decent, paying job, whether it is, you know he has access to some money or you know he may be like hustling, let's just be real man. Like hustling, let's just be real man.
Speaker 1:Fathers hustle, different even to the fact of where it may be, you know, borderline, illegal, and it may be illegal, you know, depending on. You know how things are done. You may be a middleman, he may be. You know, whatever the case is and I'm not talking, you know, necessarily about drugs or anything like that it may be a situation where he has equipment or he has tools and he's buying it low, selling it high. That's a hustle and so he's putting themselves in a lot of uncompromised positions, man for his family. And at the end of the day, when you look at it, a man should not be looking for his woman to protect and provide Right so innately it's going to be on him, you know, to make it happen.
Speaker 1:So if you take the mother out the equation, for whatever reason because let's, let's be real man there's some mothers out there that don't necessarily want to be involved with their children. Or if you know, she has a son specifically, and he gets to a certain age and she feels like you know what you're smelling yourself. You think that because you're 5'11", you're 5'10", you're 6'2", now that you can, you know, towel, roll me. I'm sending you to your dad's Right. Right Now.
Speaker 1:There's instances where she makes a decision to send him over there, but the dad still may be providing what he was providing while the son is over there. He still may be paying towards, you know, the child care or may be paying support for the child, but the child is there with him. I'm pretty sure that happened a whole bunch and that's the whole back and forth. Take me off child support. He's here with me and no, I'm not, and it's a mess. So, when you talk about the psychological aspects of things on top of the financial, on top of the physical because I'm going to go here too, jay, I'm going to go here A lot of times the father will live a very minimalistic lifestyle so that he can support a more resourceful lifestyle for his child. You feel what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. You feel what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I want 100 percent, ok. So all of that is encompasses the plight of the father and some things that you don't necessarily hear about, you don't necessarily know about and you won't, because he's not going to go on social media and say, hey, you know what I had to do this to to get my child a pair of shoes. And you know the mother's not doing her. She keeps calling me about this, but I'm just you're not going to hear that Now does it happen? Of course there's always exceptions to the rule, but You're just not going to hear it no-transcript.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree, the mental and emotional toll of the single father and fatherhood, all of that coincides with it. Yeah, and you know, like you said, like there's there's no, you know there's, there's no one to look to, there's no one to lean on, you just kind of have to to keep on trucking, and so that could, that could take a toll on anybody, especially when you're in a situation where you're like, all right, yeah, my, my kid is with me, and then, on top of that, I'm happy because you already feel it's like you already are doing the best you can, you doing what you can, and then, like you said, a lot of us will minimize our life expenses. We're not going to get that new pair of kicks, so we're not going to get whatever it is that we desire in order to provide, because that's just something that's innate, like that provision, that provider gene is just so ingrained that you will go without just to make sure and be perfectly fine doing it. Now, is that right, is that wrong? I mean, you know you have to be the judge and I think everybody, you know, kind of makes their own decision. But what's best for the kid is ultimately what should be done.
Speaker 2:But the lack of, I think, like the lack of visibility you know that we see or the lack of conversation in itself kind of takes a toll, because then you feel like you know you out here on your own, like you really feel like you just have no support. And hey, man, I get it. Who wants to hear a man complain about something like that? Who wants to hear you just suck it up and you keep pushing? But I think everybody, at some point you got to be able to rely on you. You should be able to get some help somewhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean we historically haven't really had strong programs to help the fathers with resources.
Speaker 1:Mental health Like we're in 2025, jay, and maybe the last five, six years, and you can you can, um, uh, contribute that to the pandemic and things like that, dealing with mental health issues, uh, especially amongst, you know, melanated men.
Speaker 1:But we have been traumatized, we have been going through so much and not really having a strong outlet for a long time, and I think that that is something that we have to look at as a main factor when it comes to healthy relationships.
Speaker 1:Main factor when it comes to healthy relationships, healthy friendships just being able to confide, being able to trust someone, and sometimes you know sometimes it is your mate, jay, sometimes it's your mate, like I'm not saying that your mate is the problem, but sometimes it's things that's going on with your mate and you need some, some outside counsel, and I mean outside counsel outside of your relationship, but counsel in terms of you know someone of uh that can handle uh as a professional and someone who's not going to be biased, uh, someone who's not going to be judgmental and someone who's not going to be biased, someone who's not going to be judgmental Like that's tough. Just being able to trust someone, even in the professional sector. I'm going to be real Even in the professional sector, you may have a therapist or counselor that may have actually struggled with that trauma, so they may not even give you the strong, non-biased advice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, non-biased Right.
Speaker 1:Think about that. Think about that for a second. If you're talking to a therapist and she currently or previously has had some issues with co-parenting, have had some issues in a similar backstory, Is she going to be able to separate herself from that? It's going to be hard, it's going to be tough, Like just let's just be real, it's going to be tough. Now, of course, you know our lady listeners. We love y'all and we know that this can be a tough conversation, but we don't we don't want you to look at it to where you know we're complaining. We're just trying to give you some inside information that you typically would not have access to. Right, Because it's a. It's a challenging topic. We get scrutinized and criticized for bringing these type of topics to the forefront, but it's a reality. So if we can't deal with the reality, if you can't try to at least respect our truths, then I think that there's multiple issues there that you have to deal with.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I definitely agree. You, you, anytime you are approaching a topic that's, you know, controversial, or where one side may see it, you know, may have a biased opinion about it. It's all about perspective. You know we, we have to. That's how, that's how union works. You know we come together, we understand how you feel about this and then you listen to us and we understand. You know, you understand how we feel about whatever it is.
Speaker 2:But it takes, it takes effort on both sides, underrepresented or, I feel, not necessarily marginalized, but I feel like there is a peace in society. That is, or my circumstances, a piece of society that's overlooked, like that shouldn't make anybody feel any type of way, because we see all the time single mother, this single mother, that there's already the scheme of the single mother and everything that a single mother has to deal with. We know the plight of the single mother already. You know what I mean, we know that very well. We know about what y'all go through with the baby daddies and this, that and the third. But there's no outlet of this. There's just not a conversation around what single fathers are doing. And I also want to mention there is a stereotype of the absent father or the absent black father rather, or the absent black father rather. So you know, as of late I think that's really actually coming around to a change to where now you know there are more. At least I know exactly what my um I saw a statistic. I don't I want to quote it exactly, but, um, you know, in my generation you know, there they said that there are a lot of more active fathers in in the um, in the, in the roles and raising their kids. And I know a lot of my homies like I don't have, I don't know All my homies that I know that got kids, like you know they doing what they're supposed to do. So you know, you can see it, it's evident. And then when you think about that, if the relationship doesn't work out, all right, cool. So now you got the single father. So now it's kind of changing the narrative around from all right, y'all weren't there to now it's like all right, we are here now, but now we're not getting represented, as for actually being here, stepping up and doing what we need to do. So it's kind of like. It's like you can't win Either way you go. You know what I'm saying. You can't win Either way you go. You know what I'm saying you can't win.
Speaker 2:There should be, I think, definitely more praise and more spotlight on the act of dad. That's in it, what you doing if you got still together with the mom or if you are a single father. There just has to be more. But that's why we had these conversations, just so we could talk about it. Like I said, I know I got homies that want to have kids they're trying to have kids just so they could play that role and exemplify what it is to be a father and all things like that. So I think that the conversation around it um is definitely changing. You know, I don't, I don't see as much as the deadbeat dad or quote unquote, um, you know, ain't ish, whatever, whatever, um, but I definitely don't see the deadbeat mom stuff ever Like you never see that. And that's another one of those, um, what I say earlier. Another one of those, um, well, I say earlier, another one of those, um yeah, I would say nuances, I would say no, it's a double standard.
Speaker 2:That's a double standard. Yeah, as another. That's another one of the double standard. You know, a conversation we have before is like you know, the the, the plight of the single father also is having to deal with. You know, the mother that don't necessarily want to deal with the kids. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So hey, I'm not going to let you go down that rabbit hole. I think also, we also have to take into consideration, you know, overall, even having these type of conversations, we also have to take into consideration. You know, overall, even having these type of conversations, the family dynamic is not represented enough. If it is, you know there's so much, so much judgment that would come. You know that comes with that, like who you chose to to be with. You know they don't look a certain way. You don't look a certain way. He's there with her because of this, she's only with him because of that. When you start looking at that family dynamic and the pictures that are painted mainly on social media but you can also look at media itself, television itself- and you start looking how many family, looking how many family.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to be diplomatic with this, but there's no more Cosby shows, there's no more Family Matters, there's no more things like that.
Speaker 2:There's no representation of it.
Speaker 1:The representation that they do have is broken home is you know the single mom with the kids and and call your daddy because he, you know, sent no money, like that, that is, they don't have a problem showing that type of activity, and I think it's unfortunate because it plays heavy in our community and it becomes a social norm for a kid to know that or to understand that fathers, there's lots of fathers that are absent in the homes, but there's no true explanation of why, and I think that's the bigger picture of not really understanding why there are broken homes and you mentioned it before even having certain resources, because of course we're talking about the father that is single, so now we're talking about a father that does have children in his household, and there is a lot of that.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of that TikToks and Reels and IGs about how he's navigating, being single and a father and just kind of sharing their own story, because you got to think about it. When people do that, yeah, they may be sharing a story that may be relatable, but there's also empathy that will come with that. There'll be more empathy than judgment. Jay, that's I agree. Let's be real, so it's. It's oh, it's okay, or it's understood that it's okay, for them to post up the cash app or the venmo or the paypal. Let me see a brother post up saying that look, you know what? My sons and I, you know, we're trying to get some clothes, get some shoes, we're trying to move to a house and things like that. That brother's going to get roasted. He may get some donations, but not without a heavy roast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Potatoes carrots Go get a job for real Potatoes, carrots yeah, they definitely gonna tell them Go get a job for real, go get a job. They'll have all the suggestions and the judgments.
Speaker 1:Hey, that's good, that's good, Right, right, and then you know, then it's gonna go to well. It was probably your fault. Why the mother's not?
Speaker 2:in there Right, reshifting the blame back on the reshifting the like yeah, we don't need to do that pop, but you know that's how it was going to go.
Speaker 2:You know shift the blame back on the pops. I want to mention one thing though. You talked about, you know how we ain't have any representations like the Cosby and Family Matters and it have any representations like the Cosby and Family Matters and they got me thinking. The last time that I really saw like a black family on TV probably was TI and Tiny when they had their reality show. That's the last time I remember just seeing like a real black family dynamic. That was like positive, you know, but that was what that was over a decade ago. Right, that was on TV a long time ago. Yeah, exactly the Family Hustle. But that was what that was over a decade ago. Right, that was on TV a long time ago. Yeah, exactly the family hustle, and that was great, like that was a great representation that was, you know. But since then and it kind of make you think like yeah, that was, that was really a significant moment in time.
Speaker 1:Shout out to Tip and Tiny. And the reason why I say that is because, when you think about it and I've been here in Atlanta for 20 years, so I know the climate and I know the temperature in the city and fortunately I got some friends that are connected, so I got a bird's eye view of a lot of the folks here in the city and one thing that stood out the most about that show was how they used to roast tiny. That's what to me, that's what came out the most from a a woman's perspective. They would roast her, they would talk about her, her skin, her lips, and she's got a bbs. Meanwhile they've been married for I don't know how long right. They both are successful outside of music. These are business people, right, and they still overcome so much adversity, even with TI being incarcerated and her holding it down.
Speaker 2:I've never seen her get shown love for how she has held things down when she was in prison Not one time, yeah no, they never had really good stuff to say about Tanya, but she definitely is a real one, though, for sure she's a true one. Yeah, that whole, like I said, I think it's understated Just what they did for the look of the Black family. Because, you know, yeah, got jay-z and beyonce, but they didn't, they didn't give us the, the visuals for that. You know what I mean. There's a lot of black couples, but they didn't let us into their life like you. You got, and that was, it was a good show, you know. So, yeah, shout out, shout out to uh, tion tyner for sure. Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:You know, as we, as we kind of bring this conversation to a close, I want to kind of shift back. We were talking about, you know, understanding the plight of a father in us. I mean, we're two black men, so that's the POV that we have to give people. And so when we talked about the stereotype, you know we just talked about the double standard. But I also think that it's important that we look at, you know, some of the disproportionate rates, of disproportionate factors, man, just the economic disparities of the unemployment rate. You have to look at just the community activities, the community programs. Like I've never heard of a FIC program. You know what a FIC would be?
Speaker 2:FIC. What is that? Father of Children?
Speaker 1:Right. So you know what WIC is Everybody knows, yeah, yeah. I know what WIC is.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I know what WIC is, so I've never heard of a program to talk about father, infant and children, or just father with children. There's no FWC, there's no, there's no programs that I know of, right, and I'm almost 50. And having you and three of daughters, your sisters, you and three of daughters, your sisters, I've never been introduced to a program that would help a father get his first house, would help a father with food resources. They're very specific. Now, if you dig enough, or if you, you know, somebody tells you, yeah, but I'm talking about just open. So when you have caseworkers right, because you have caseworkers when you're dealing with that, they're going to let you know all the resources you have, right.
Speaker 1:So there's nothing that's going to gravitate to a father, especially a father who is single, raising his children, and you don't know why it's just him and why the mother is not involved. She may be deceased, she may have ran off and walked away, she may have ran off on the plug twice, twice, you don't know. And I just feel like there's nothing that even embraces that. Because it's like a man, you a grown man. You got two hands, you got two arms. You got two legs, you got two eyes. Go, go find some work. That's it right. Not even thinking about okay, if the children are younger, if the children are responsible enough, are they underage to stay? I, I don't know, man, until this day, somebody, somebody's going to have to prove me different. There are some, some programs for four fathers that would also not take them away from the home, because those programs that we talked about, they don't take the mother away from, they bring the resources in the home, right?
Speaker 2:I mean the fact that you know somebody, could you know, come and tell us and give us a list of 10 different programs. But the fact that they aren't just readily available only emboldens the sentiment that you know as a male, as a single father. It's just kind of one of those things where you just kind of gotta, you know, take it on the chin and just figure it out. There's a real figure it out to it. You know what I mean. Like it's not really a road map or a step or a guide as far as you know when you need, you know, help with your kid financially or even emotionally, like you said, help with your kid financially or even emotionally, like you said earlier, with therapy and things like that. There's just so many different nuances and barriers when it comes to it that just haven't had enough attention paid to it to where we can say there's something adequate for single fathers in today's day and age that will help. You know what I mean with raising kids Like there's nothing.
Speaker 2:Like I said if it's not something I could just you know I should have heard about already, then it's too hard to find. It's too hard, like I don't know too much about WIC, but I've heard it plenty of times growing up. You know what I'm saying. So it's like, yeah, there should already be some in place and something that we should heard of. That's you know, commonplace, like a household name, like that.
Speaker 1:Hey, hey, that's true and really, man, that's our reality. So I hope that the listeners really understand that these are not only pops in some conversations, but these can also be uncomfortable conversations for those that's not willing to listen to comprehend, versus listen to respond. Because I think this is one of those topics where, yeah, we're sharing the plight of the single father, but I think that immediately, those that are not open to comprehending is going to say, well, well, what about us as single mothers? We go through this, men, leave us all the time. We have to figure it out. Why don't you guys figure it out? But there is a bigger and a deeper backstory, because each situation is different, right? So when we talk about why a person is no longer with the uh, the other parent, there's a backstory and a unique story that comes with that, that that makes them both now single parents, and you know there's there's just so much that we could talk about that we uh, you know we may double back on this. We may spend the block. It might be a part two, it may be a part two. But you know, society is may double back on this, we may spend a lot. It might be a part two. It may be a part two, but you know society is not going to help us.
Speaker 1:So we got to understand that it's something that we have to build within our community. First and foremost, our women need to know that we, we love them, we support them, I appreciate them. Right, and without them a lot of things aren't happening at all. Right, I'm, I'm very thankful to you know, the mothers of my children All of them are have done their thing and I'm grateful and I'm appreciative because you know you guys wouldn't be know who you are with without that. You know, without the nurturing, without the encouraging, without the support, but at the same time, man, the support of both parents, the presence of both parents is is incredible, like it's priceless, and not everybody has experienced that. And so, overall, the message, of course, is really to understand each other better, like people aren't just mad and angry for no reason, right, there's contributing factors throughout the test of time. Everybody has their own story, everybody has their own journey, but really, at the end of it, we have to embrace each other and really respect each other's plight.
Speaker 1:So much activity about the single mother movement. Now it has been exaggerated, I would say, maybe the last five, six years. They have been picked on. Right, they have been picked on. But at the same time I think that there was also a window of straight victim and you have a whole significant co-parent that has been busting his butt, that has been hustling, has been grinding. That not necessarily get the credit, but just just seems like it's completely negated. His efforts have been negated. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Overlooked, negated, just a silent partner right, a silent partner man, but you know, one thing that we, we can say is that the kids will always be the fruit of what's going on in our household. So you know, guys that are doing your thing, fathers, man, you know, salute to you. Don't, don't stop. Don't let anybody any outside influences, um, allow you to stop doing what you're doing, even if she gets married, man, let me put that out there because you know that's something that's a big deal, man, when, when, when that sister she get married, she like, look, you know, we've been together, you don't drop four kids off and we ain't married yet, or even an engagement ring.
Speaker 1:Well, honcho, here, now't be mad, fellas, don't be mad, hey, stay, stay true to who you are right and who, uh, and remember what matters, and that's going to be, uh, your fruit. Your fruit is your kids, and so they're going to show you and let you know, um, what you've been investing, or the lack thereof, as they get older.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a good one, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that part.
Speaker 1:Okay, I think we covered it. Man, I think we did pretty good.
Speaker 2:I think we did good. I could feel a part two coming. I want to see how people feel about this conversation, though I think it's a good one to have. I definitely want to just see what you know, what the surrounding uh conversations are going gonna be around it as well yeah no doubt.
Speaker 1:Well, listen, guys, we appreciate you listening to us. Pops and son conversations. Uh, one thing we also want to make sure that you guys do check us out on all social media platforms. I don't know, tiktok may not be available by the time this gets out on the podcast, we don't know RIP, but just just know that we appreciate your support. If you have topics and things like that you want us to discuss, make sure you go to our website. Pops and son conversations with an Scom. Uh, we still have uh plenty of topics, man, to do, but sometimes things hit different after you hear one of our episodes and you really want us to dig into a very specific topic.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:So you know. That being said, look man, we appreciate you guys. Be blessed. Much love, respect. It's your favorite civil Fox, rob Malloy.
Speaker 2:All right, pops and son, we are out.
