Pops and Son Conversations
Join US Air Force Veteran, Presidential Achievement Award Recipient, author, philanthropist, and social media influencer, Rob Malloy, and his son, author and model, Javan Anderson, as they navigate the generation gap with humor and heart.
On this podcast, Rob and Javan tackle a wide range of topics – from life lessons and fatherhood to current events and pop culture – offering a unique blend of old-school wisdom and new-school perspectives. Expect lively debates, unexpected insights, and plenty of laughs along the way.
Tune in to Pops and Son Conversations and discover:
- Candid conversations: Rob and Javan share their honest thoughts and experiences, providing a refreshing take on intergenerational relationships.
- Diverse perspectives: Hear how Rob's traditional values intersect with Javan's modern outlook, creating dynamic and engaging discussions.
- Humor and heart: Enjoy a show that's both entertaining and thought-provoking, leaving you with a smile and something to ponder.
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Pops and Son Conversations
Beyond Appearances: The Truth About Attraction and Personal Value
Breaking through the illusion of "leagues" in dating and relationships by understanding true confidence and self-worth. The concept of someone being "out of your league" is actually a mental barrier we create that limits our dating potential.
• Money doesn't determine compatibility - financial literacy and shared lifestyle values matter more
• Physical appearance becomes secondary when confidence and personality shine through
• Ambitious people attract other ambitious people - complacency can create relationship friction
• Confidence is contagious and makes others see your value beyond superficial qualities
• Self-perception determines your dating success more than external factors
• Timing matters - sometimes the wrong person at the right time can create unexpected connections
• Personal growth and development naturally attract the right people into your life
• The ultimate mindset shift: stop asking "Is she out of my league?" and start asking "Is she in MY league?"
Check out our social media platforms to join the conversation and share your experiences with dating "leagues" and confidence. We might do a live session dedicated to this topic!
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welcome to yet another episode pops and son conversations. It is your favorite silver fox, rob malloy and son is here.
Speaker 2:Jayven aka check three times all right, man.
Speaker 1:Hey, uh, it is april, it is financial literacy month, and that's for. That's not just pops and son, that's mama and them. Yeah, that's your little sister, big sis, cousin, cousin Mama and dad. Yeah, so Financial Literacy Month, we've been talking about a little bit of everything you know some romance, some finance. If you did not check the last episode, check that. In fact, check it three times.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right, let them know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, so we're going to keep it going. Jay, what you thinking today?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So for today's topic, it's a good one, just like the last one. If you missed it, you don't want to miss it. So today we're gonna go with um leagues. Let's talk leagues. Is she out of your league? That's the question. Is she out of your league? Is she out of your league? I don't, I don't wanna. You know. I ain't trying to make nobody feel no type of way.
Speaker 1:They're going to feel some type of way, man, especially the ladies listening to this one, because I know that they want to be on the podcast. I'm sure they got stories right.
Speaker 1:You got stories. I know that you want to share them and everything, and you know what? Just catch us on our social media platforms and we can actually talk about it. We might do a live dedicated to if you know she's out of your league or not. Matter of fact, man, let's table that man. As far as using that for a social media live or something like that Signs that she's out of your league, I think that's a good one, that would go crazy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I see you, you know you get that, uh, that reaction from the ladies, like they'll be like, look at you and look at me, make it make sense, and you're like, oh man, that's cold, that's how you crush your brother.
Speaker 1:So it is now. We're talking about when she dolled up and we're talking about when she get out of bed before the lashes and all that.
Speaker 2:Oh man, that's a.
Speaker 1:That's a good question that's a great question that I still want to know it's a song, it's go.
Speaker 2:Uh why, when you take your makeup off, you don't look the same? Hey, man, it's a song.
Speaker 1:I didn't make the song shout out to the all naturales ladies, we, we love you. Don't, don't feel so compelled to. You know, go through all of that, because for some people it's not an enhancement, it's a transformation oh, you know that for a fact. I'm not even capping, yeah yeah, it's facts yeah.
Speaker 1:So what does, what does league even really mean? So we got to kind of define that. Uh, I guess for some let's, let's keep it superficial. I I think it's fair to keep it superficial for every for, uh, understanding purposes. So league, uh, it can mean looks, you know the aesthetics. You talk about money, the money. Uh, we can talk about status. I mean, we start talking about why people pick on IG models so much. Why is that Like IG models in songs? It's in topics all the time. Leave them alone, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, leave them alone.
Speaker 1:Leave them alone.
Speaker 2:They don't bother nobody.
Speaker 1:Hey, they're using what they got what To get what they want. Man, who's mad at that?
Speaker 2:They're just posting photos. Man, Just posting pics, that's it. Man who's mad at?
Speaker 1:that they're just posting photos. Man, just posting pics, that's it, man. So you also got to talk about clout. Yeah, that's a little bit different, right, that's a little bit different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all these qualifiers are different in their own right. We could really go in on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So let's go ahead and unpack it, man.
Speaker 2:Leagues.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go ahead, yeah lee.
Speaker 2:So when you talk about money, right, so is she out of your league as far as money, financials? I think that's, oh, man, that's kind of tough. So I guess you know me. I'm thinking like it kind of would be, and maybe not, but I I don't know if that's as important for the guys, but I know a lot of men feel strongly about it, um, because you know they have a lot of men have an issue with a woman that is making more, more money than them. Um, for, for whatever reasons, I think some of the reasons is just that there's maybe like a little complex or a syndrome that comes with when women are in the household and they feel like I make the big bucks, I'm the breadwinner. They don't know necessarily how to lead with that the the same way that men do. So that could be a thing. So if she's out of your league as far as money wise, um, I think you probably will be able to to tell that um pretty soon on. I don't know yeah, uh, money.
Speaker 1:You know that gets really interesting and it is. It is a little layered because, again, if somebody makes a lot of money or makes a substantial amount of money, it doesn't mean that they're financially literate.
Speaker 2:There you go.
Speaker 1:They may be bringing in 50K a month and spending forty nine point, ninety, five thousand a month. So you, you, down to the five dollars every 30th. So again, you know, with it being financial literacy month, you know, taking that consideration, you know, when you talk about money, again, you have to start adding some other qualifiers, because making the money, saving the money and being good with your money, a good steward, is all three different things, man.
Speaker 1:So it also will depend on lifestyle, you know, when you start talking about league, because some people that can afford a certain lifestyle, but they're minimalist, right.
Speaker 1:So instead of having, you know, a high rise, 2.5 million, you know they may be a little bit more conservative but have that money available. They would rather have that money available than tied up in assets and a woman that may want a little bit more luxury in her lifestyle or looking for a man to help facilitate that, right, they wouldn't be a good match. If that's the only thing that you know. They're looking at in commonality and that's kind of where things get, you know, a little tricky, because you have to start looking at intentions. You know, is this a person, someone that I want to come up? Intentions, you know, is this a person, someone that I want to come up, or is this a person that I want to actually connect with and uh, and go from there? Because, really, once you have that connection, you start looking at other things outside of of, uh, the superficial and the materialistic that we talked about before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so so she might. She might not be out of your league. Money wise, yeah, she might not. But what about? What about looks, though? Man, she looks is. Looks is different, because I've heard women say that they want an ugly dude. They'll be like and they'll be. They'll be good looking, it's good looking women out here saying I prefer ugly guys. That's.
Speaker 1:I'm not making this up, no, that's been going on, man, for centuries. Man that you know, hey ugly guys, if that is what they truly mean, right, because, come on, man, like, if he is quote unquote an ugly guy, then he has to have some other qualifiers right, and a lot of times it could be like we had mentioned, you know, uh could be money, like there's a lot of ugly dudes, they got some fine women right though, right, they can't get them up.
Speaker 1:And yes, of course, you know they go through their little phase where you know I'm tired, I'm tired of dating potential. You know they go through their little phase where you know I'm tired, I'm tired of dating potential. You know they want a man who, you know, all the fine man ain't got their ish together, as they say. So they looking for somebody that is stable and can help them again. You know, facilitate that lifestyle, maybe upgrade or maybe maintain, that's it. So it has to be some other stuff going on man Status, ambition. I think ambition. Let's deal with that real quick so we can move on. Yeah, I do think that that is something that it should be a non-negotiable. The person that you are considering to get to know has to be ambitious. It has to be because either you need some motivation and inspiration and you know, have access to that or they have to be. You know, somebody who was, who was coachable or can be motivated, but somebody that's just negative all the time and not trying to themselves or not grow and develop.
Speaker 1:That's that's always going to be a problem and that's not even in the relationship aspect. That's just friendship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, who you surround yourself with. If you're not surrounding yourself, that's a good point. Friends, even um, you know you want ambitious people. Anything less than that is is going to feel like a drawback. That's not going to be good energy. Now they could also be um, you know, it doesn't have to be negative.
Speaker 2:There are some people that are complacent, right, so maybe they're not as ambitious, but they feel like they've done everything they needed to do and they good where they are at. And that can also be a point of contention when you know you have somebody that is ambitious and wants more, like they're not cool with where they are right now. They want more. So, yeah, I see a clash there. But ambition when it comes to saying you know, is she out of your league? Man brother, you need to be the most ambitious. I just don't see a reason, you know, not to be.
Speaker 2:You know the way I feel about it is like we got this one life that we live in. If you don't want to maximize everything that you can. That's just how I think about it. Everybody has a different philosophy, but I think you should be at least putting your best foot forward to try to attain the things that you want for yourself. Now, only you can determine that, and so I guess it kind of gets. I don't want to sound judgy because hey, maybe you know, is there some people that don't want the big house or the nice car and things like that. So you really just have to determine that for yourself. But honestly, there's always going to be signs. Oftentimes you can tell when a person isn't meeting up to their ambitions because it creates resentment in that person. That's when you get the person that's saying that's making excuses all the time for why they don't have what they don't have. Ooh man, yeah, that's it right there.
Speaker 1:That's some bars, man. I like where you went there. And let's actually pivot a little bit and talk about A person being, you know, confident. You know, when you start talking about a lead, you know that is a little bit more assertive. But when you build that confidence and you know that, hey, you know what I'm a good guy. You know I bring a lot to the table as far as who I am as a person. Just get to know me and we can, you know, find that out. She's going to feed off of that energy and she's going to respect that energy, right?
Speaker 1:So, even if your looks aren't up to par and I hate hearing this, but I hear this a lot women are like well, you know, he wasn't really that cute, but his confidence made him cute. Girl, what you talking to like that right, watch your mouth. But they, they say that. I mean and I think that is a universal thing when you see confidence, it kind of it gives a person some extra points, right, because, uh, you know, you've seen attractive women that are like super shy and introverted. You're like girl, what's wrong with you? You're fine, you should be smiling and happy, as you find that's a good point. Yeah, you would think, you would think, but it doesn't always work like that. But I also think the confidence is it's contagious, right, because when you're with somebody who is confident, that kind of brings your energy up.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm with them, they with me you know, up You're like yo, I'm with them, they with me. Let's also bring this to a forefront the less aesthetically attractive men. When they walk in the room with a fine woman, the fine women are looking at him.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:He got a chance. Now, I don't know what they think. In my professional and personal opinion mixed together, hybrid, it's because they're thinking okay. So what is it about this man? You know especially she walking in and she's smiling and she catering to him and wiping something off his lips and holding on to him and wiping some office his lips and and holding on to him tight Like they had to. They like wait a minute. There's gotta be something about this brother Gotcha Just making her feel like she on cloud nine the way she ain't even looking at him in his, his aesthetics. That may be a little challenging. He might be, you know, a little chubby or complexion ain't all that great and you know, a receded hairline, but but you know, he, confident though, and he, he's created the best version of himself because this is what he has created.
Speaker 1:This is his, I was personalized and he knows how to make her feel good, you know, he knows how to encourage her, he knows how to make sure she feels protected and led and provided for. So that alone, man, that's going to bump up, that's going to bump up some points on your, on your personal Richter scale man. So get you up there on your, uh, on your personal richter scale man, it's gonna get you up there yeah, I think that you mentioned the uh, the best version of yourself.
Speaker 2:That's a. That's a big key, right? Because, uh, no matter what your condition is, your confidence is only going to do more for you, as opposed to not having that Anything less is only going to work against you, right? If you already feel like you got these negative stigmas on you, or maybe you got a balding spot or you overweight or whatever the case, is that confidence a lot of times, like you said, it can shine bright enough that it's not even noticed Like that's, that's not even you know the focus, right, you gotta, you gotta be able to have that, that amount of charisma that's going to say, yeah, I mean, this is me, this is me, right.
Speaker 2:And not necessarily being a take it or leave it type of stance, but just understanding yourself and owning who you truly are and knowing once again that you know there's nothing I'm going to change about me. I like who, I like how I am, I like who I am and, hey, at the end of the day, it's somebody out there right that is going to respect and want to be in my presence and want to appreciate everything I have to offer. You never down yourself or speak lowly of yourself. I hate to hear people do that. I'm not an advocate of even you know. I don't even say like, like, I don't think nobody should like.
Speaker 2:Why are you calling yourself ugly? Like you? There should be nobody that's saying I'm ugly. That sounds crazy to me. You should look at yourself and believe in yourself as the masterpiece and the version of you that you are, no matter what society or whatever the outside stuff says. Because, hey, man, we are human at the end of the day and we got to walk this walk. We got to live our life and nobody deserves to feel you know whatever type of way about something they don't even have the power to change. You know, so be confident in who you are. That's yeah, that's, that's a, that's a good one. Right there, confidence is key, always, always can never go wrong with that.
Speaker 1:That's a fact. Now we're talking about is she out of your league? Now, of course, you know that's kind of like a buzz statement, you know, uh, depends on how you feel about things, but I do want to talk about, you know, compatibility versus actual fantasy. So when I say, uh, you know, is she out of your league? You know there's some guys that ain't doing nothing Okay.
Speaker 2:Let's listen.
Speaker 1:You ain't doing nothing. You don't really want nothing, right? But you know how to identify and find ambitious, beautiful women. Like you ever see a dude that he gets shot down all the time but all he goes for is the top tier women.
Speaker 1:Like that's all he goes for, yeah but all he goes for is the top tier women, like that's all he goes for. His standard is is so high that it doesn't even necessarily match what he has going on. But I'm going to tell you something about that, though that's that's. That's a dangerous guy, because guess what man? He don't care about the nose, he, he, he don't care about the nose, but he is literally running the numbers Right. So you talking to 20, 25 high performance, ambitious women a day, at some point you won't get one. You got to bite, if you will. Hey, this is as real as it's going to get, right, somebody going to bite. And let me tell you why. The woman is going to bite, jay, because of where she's at. Either she just went through something, she just got out of something, or she in the middle of it.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:So that joke is going to catch her at the right time, to where she's going to have a listening ear to what this fool has to say.
Speaker 2:Right Timing is everything.
Speaker 1:And let's be clear, man, the wrong person at the right time is a dangerous situation.
Speaker 2:That's a recipe for disaster, huh.
Speaker 1:Every single time. Hey, they say the right person can't say the wrong thing, man, but the wrong person can say the right thing.
Speaker 2:Yes indeed.
Speaker 1:You know, and that's wild. So talk a little bit about that man and how you feel people kind of do get linked up. That are true mismatches.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good one. So it can happen in so many different ways, like the scenario you just gave. But I think what is important and I kind of spoke about this on the last pod as well is just about the alignment factor right, factor right, um. So you don't, you don't even have to. Of course, you know there needs to be a vetting process, but you can escape some of those horror stories if you kind of, um, look more into what the compatible, compatible, the true compatibility levels, right, what the alignment really is.
Speaker 2:So, when we talk about leads, you know, when we talk about all these different qualifiers, you know, fellas, you've got to ask yourself, you know, if you chasing something that you are ready to handle. You know, can you handle that Right? Are you disciplined enough? You know, goal driven we talked about the uh, the ambitions. You know, do you have your emotions in order with the maturity and the intelligence? You know, can you support that woman? Can you match the energy, as they like to say? Yeah, I need a, I need, I need a man? Can you match the energy as they like to say?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I need a man that's going to match my energy.
Speaker 1:That's what they say.
Speaker 2:And if not, then okay, can you consider that out of your league, right? I don't know, I just, you know, as we talk about this, I really just I'm like the whole league thing, you know, as, as, as we talk about this, I really just I'm like the the whole league thing, you know, you can really kind of just see it as as um, a construct, you know what I mean. That's a barrier that we just that, you know, as a man we just place, because at the end of the day it's it's no woman. That's really out your league, right.
Speaker 1:That's right.
Speaker 2:Because we just literally went through everything. All right, the ugly guys, you could get them Right. The fat guys, you could get them right. You know there's nobody out your league, but it's about it starts with you and how you see yourself. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:Once you conquer that, there's no woman that's going to be out your league because you're going to find you see the value in yourself, right, and even you know you spoke a little bit about the shy woman and maybe that's a little indication, the shy woman and maybe that's a little indication that maybe she's not manifesting her full value or she don't see the complete value in herself and that's why she looks so good, but she's shy, she's timid, he's not completely aware because, hey, whether it's by way of just not discovering that true value in yourself, or maybe you've been devalued in the past and now you just don't really fully come to that potential. But as men, as brothers, that's the first thing we got to work on. You work on, uh, understanding your value right and not even necessarily just saying like value in the dating marketplace, but just value overall. So we named all those things about the um, the financials. We named those things about the status, the clout, the ambition, right, check, make you know, check into all of these things and see if they're on the level that you think they need to be on, and then double check and see if they're on the level of the woman that you want to pursue, and I don't even really want to say pursue, because you know that's not even what we really really own, right, it's really about attracting.
Speaker 2:So, really, when you figure out all those values, you got everything in order. Yeah, there's not even a worry about if the woman is out of your league, right, because you have. It's like you got a little magnet on you, you just pulling them in. Now you just like, all right, is she in my league? Right? It flips, the question flips on itself.
Speaker 2:So I think, you know, as men, we kind of got to just understand and really find them. And it's hard too, you know it's hard because there's so much working against us as black men that's telling us that you know, we're not worth such and such and we don't do this, we're not good providers and we, you know, just a whole bunch of noise. It's only noise to distract you from, like I said, how you see yourself and how you see us. Because when we think about it as a community, as Black men, yeah, one Black man doesn't represent the whole of the race of Black men, but you got to understand that what you see can be internalized, and then you take that in and you think that's you know. You take on that persona of the and you, and you think that's you know, you. You take on that persona of the black man because you think that's you know, that's what you see black men described as right. So you got to change that up and and and and re-envision how you see yourself after that.
Speaker 1:Amen, it's, it's, it's home runs after that I think that you really hit the nail on the head. Definitely, it's about leveling up personal growth and development and not really worrying about leagues, because if you're putting in the work, then you will attract. You'll attract everything that you deserve, but you also will attract some things that you have to discern and make great decisions. So if you're constantly a student in life and you want to improve, then those are going to be some key things, along with mentorship and finding a solid tribe. This is also going to keep you accountable and responsible. Also going to keep you accountable and responsible, and that's that's the key to having, you know, an amazing point of view and an amazing journey, because you'll understand that it's all.
Speaker 1:It's all about growth. You know, it's all about growth, impact and man that was that was pretty good man. We we may have to revisit this again, but what I do want is I want to make sure that you know the listeners out there are going to our social media and actually giving us some feedback on topics like these, because we know that the guys need it, but also think that it's equally as important that the ladies see that we address these things right, because I think that we put together some solid bullet points and you know some just great dialogue and perspective about just the theory of somebody being out of. You know your league.
Speaker 1:You know again. You know we said that it was kind of like a buzz topic type of thing, but we know that there is somebody for everybody. And then we also know that you can level up. You know, even if you're not there where you want to be, you can level up. You know, even if you're not there where you want to be, you can level up. And once you do that, a lot of opportunities and doors will really open up for you, because now you're able to contribute properly and you're able to, you know, receive properly. And those are going to be some keys, man, when we start talking about just finding people, whether it be your tribe, whether it be companionship, whether it be just being a better person all around, that's what's going to get you there.
Speaker 2:That's it, that's it.
Speaker 1:So, look, continue to rock with us. We appreciate you guys. Look, if you missed last episode, go check it out. If you missed the episode before that, check it out. But just know that we've put together a great month of topics and subjects and just some encouragement, because we want everybody to do better. Do better physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally. But April is dedicated to financial literacy, and so we'll continue to talk about that. We even have some, you know, some tips on on some things that you can do to improve yourself professionally and create family legacy. So, with that being said, hey, we'll see you guys. Next episode. Pops and Son Conversations. It is your favorite, silver Fox, rob Malloy.
Speaker 2:And the son here check three times. We appreciate you guys for listening. Until next time, peace we out.
