Pops and Son Conversations
Join US Air Force Veteran, Presidential Achievement Award Recipient, author, philanthropist, and social media influencer, Rob Malloy, and his son, author and model, Javan Anderson, as they navigate the generation gap with humor and heart.
On this podcast, Rob and Javan tackle a wide range of topics – from life lessons and fatherhood to current events and pop culture – offering a unique blend of old-school wisdom and new-school perspectives. Expect lively debates, unexpected insights, and plenty of laughs along the way.
Tune in to Pops and Son Conversations and discover:
- Candid conversations: Rob and Javan share their honest thoughts and experiences, providing a refreshing take on intergenerational relationships.
- Diverse perspectives: Hear how Rob's traditional values intersect with Javan's modern outlook, creating dynamic and engaging discussions.
- Humor and heart: Enjoy a show that's both entertaining and thought-provoking, leaving you with a smile and something to ponder.
Subscribe now and join the conversation!
Pops and Son Conversations
Mental Health: Breaking the Silence
Breaking the silence around mental health starts with honesty. How often do we respond with "I'm blessed" when someone asks how we're doing, even while struggling inside? This automatic deflection prevents authentic connection and leaves many suffering alone behind carefully constructed facades.
During Mental Health Awareness Month, we're tackling the persistent stigma surrounding mental health, particularly within the Black community. Growing up, these conversations were virtually non-existent—mental health challenges were disguised with vague terms like someone being "touched" or "different" without acknowledging the underlying issues.
We explore the crucial distinction between mental health and mental illness. Everyone has mental health that requires maintenance, just like physical health—it fluctuates daily and needs consistent care. Mental illness involves clinical conditions requiring professional intervention. The danger comes when we conflate these concepts, either dismissing genuine struggles or self-diagnosing without proper assessment.
Therapy and counseling should be normalized as regular components of a healthy lifestyle, not reserved for crisis situations. Think of it as mental hygiene—as essential as brushing your teeth. With today's evolution of mental health resources, support is more accessible than ever, from traditional therapy to mindfulness apps and online communities.
Healing isn't linear—it's messy, unpredictable, and sometimes cyclical. Triggers can unexpectedly transport us back to painful experiences, but growth comes from acknowledging these moments without letting them define us. Whether through tears, walking away, or a cathartic emotional release, the goal remains freedom from past patterns that no longer serve us.
Join our journey through Mental Health Awareness Month and share your experiences through our website or social media. Together, we can create spaces where vulnerability meets compassion, chip away at stigma, and embrace the truth that while silence kills, healing begins with breaking that silence.
Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc.
Keepingveteransfit.org
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
okay, guys, welcome back to another amazing episode of pops and son conversations. And, of course, this is your favorite silver fox, raw maloy and double check and check again.
Speaker 2:is son checked three times?
Speaker 1:Yes indeed, javen. How are you feeling today, man?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel good, you know, just taking it day by day. You know, every day I look at it as you know a new experience, a new journey and just another opportunity to keep pushing forward and kind of build build upon that pyramid.
Speaker 1:you know yeah, yeah, man, that was profound. You've been meditating and levitating hey, you know come.
Speaker 2:You know, meditation is funny. I think we all, I think people don't understand that they they meditate sometimes without even really knowing it, because it's just so many different ways to do it. All meditation is it's really just, you know, focusing on oneness, focusing on self and just carving out that time out of day that you just kind of don't worry about anything or stress about anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, very intentional and purposeful. With your energy, I can dig it, everybody welcome. It's May 1st and it is officially mental health awareness month, and so we have a fun filled episode for you. We also have a pretty incredible lineup this entire month with topics, subjects, realness, transparencies and truth, and so today, obviously, we're going to get things started with this mental health awareness journey, which is so vital and so important. Man, I know that we'll uncover a lot of things and you know, ideally, it's to make a great impact, to be thought-provoking for you guys as well, as you know, just an opportunity to really talk about some real things. So what direction do you want to go today, jay, when we're talking about mental health?
Speaker 2:Well, I think before we really kind of dig into it, we should, you know, just kind of cover a little bit about why we don't talk about it enough. You know, you know, especially like in our community, the black community, you know, I remember, you know, growing up, I just recently started seeing stuff about all this. You know, I remember, you know, growing up, I just recently started seeing stuff about all this. You know, mental health stuff and just kind of being mindful and things like that. And as I reflect on my childhood, you know a lot of a lot of uh, you know, growing up it was like that wasn't really, that wasn't really talked about and I wonder why that is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a really good question really talked about and I wonder why that is. Yeah, that's a really good question and I wish I had to answer because, you know, even with uh, with my dad and my uh, my parents and their parents, you know, talking about mental health really was pretty much non-existent. We knew that some people you know were dealing with some things, but it was never addressed. We would just say, you know crazy stuff, like yeah, that woman is touched or that man is touched or there's something different about them, and you really never knew what was going on with them mentally. But you knew that there were some type of challenges. And having some open conversations I think would have helped because, number one, the realization everybody goes through something.
Speaker 1:You know they may express themselves differently, they may respond differently, but everybody goes through something, know their, their mental health and those challenges and how to find some type of resolve, some type of safe space to, you know, have some conversation. And it's really challenging because we've been in a society that judges expression, that dealing with taboo topics and and and really, uh, having those conversations where people just need to, sometimes they just need to get certain things off because they they may feel like, well, you know what, the way that I'm thinking, something may be wrong with me, you know.
Speaker 1:uh, you know maybe it's me, but if they can express themselves in a safe space and actually have some people be a sounding board, not necessarily asking for advice and what should I do and things like that, but really just listen I've experienced this too then, man, that would make such a big difference for people to just not have so much anxiety, not have so much shame, and and really be able to progress when it comes to just dealing with mental health issues.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, it's, it's important Like, just like you said, like just just stay in it, Right, just actually having, um, you know the wherewithal to just go ahead and come out and just express it, you know, because other people can connect with that. Like it could be, it could be something that's just so simple as saying I'm not okay, like, why does that? Why does that seem like such a hard statement? Sometimes just to come out and say you know what you know mentally, I'm struggling right now, I'm not doing good, I'm going through something like we got to. We got to get into the habit of putting those conversations to the forefront. We talk about everything else under the sun. We can gossip. We can talk about your politics and the dating and whatever it is under the sun money, sex, even.
Speaker 2:We put that on blast but people aren't being honest about where they are mentally and kind of, and which is crazy, because there's so much that gets lost in translation, because you don't know what a person is going through in their mind, like there's no way that we could. You know, we're not mind readers, so we can only go off of what we see, how you interact, and you know it's people that will hide and mask how they really feeling on the inside, and it's only a detriment to them, because all along you going and you know, acting like everything is all good, so everybody's treating you like everything is all good. And then you wonder why you know you feel isolated or you feel alone. But just speaking up and being able to vocalize and say, you know what, you know, I know you love me, I love you. This conversation, right now it's hard for me to have this conversation because I'm struggling mentally, like it could be that simple.
Speaker 2:And then that person is like, oh, wow, you know, it's a light bulb that comes on and they might not have even known. You know, because we all, like we say we all got that that one strong friend or that strong person in the family, um, you know, and you never see them crack or fold or anything like that. But you know everybody goes through through, um, you know, some type of mental anguish or or or just um, however they feel, even about themselves, even when on the outside it looks like everything you know is going, is going. Good man, people, people are battling.
Speaker 2:So I think the conversation about I don't know if, if, if we scared about it, we just it, just, it just isn't um, it just isn't practiced, because maybe we just didn't have that tradition to go about it.
Speaker 2:And so moving forward that's one of the things that should be highlighted is being able to say you know what I'm mental, some mental wounds. Right now it's really a lot going on in my head and I'm trying to figure some things out and just put it on front street because just that instance right there, you know you being able to communicate, that it saves you so much more. You know time and drama and space in it and you really, honestly, I think once we start doing that more, the relationships become stronger, we get closer to these people because you know we're not looking at them as you know. It kind of humanizes you more. It reminds you like oh wait, yeah, I know I have stuff that I think about in my head or I'm going through whatever, but yeah, they, like you said, like people can relate to that. And it reminds you like yo, we are human, we all have these things going on and it's OK to talk about them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's some really good points. You know, when we talk about historically how we've dealt with expressions and you know some type of mental relief. I would even take it. I'm going to do something a little unorthodox here. I'm going to take it to to the religion aspect of it. I'm going to take it to to the religion aspect of it.
Speaker 1:So if you think about the, the Catholic religion, you know they would have the, they would have confessionals, all right, so so they would have an opportunity to feel like they were not going to be judged, because you know, they go into an area to where the rabbi can't see them Right, and so they could just kind of get off everything that they had going on. Like, I don't know what the confessions were, I don't know if they were confessing about crimes, I don't know if they were just, you know, expressing themselves about personal issues, health issues, whatever the case is, but they had an opportunity to release and I think that that is something that health issues, whatever the case is, but they had an opportunity to release and I think that that is something that, um, you know to your point when you talked about you know different methods of of trying to, uh, find ways to deal with your issues. You know, I think that uh was a pretty effective method. Now, when you talk more so, um, in the, you know Brown, uh black, you know the melanated community, um, it wasn't like that. It wasn't like that.
Speaker 1:Matter of fact. You know, if you dare say something, it may. The word may get around town.
Speaker 1:Like trying to figure out, like I thought I was speaking in confidence. Now, everybody know my business, you know, and so I. I think that that is a direct correlation of why some people are very resistant to uh, to express themselves. And and I think that also a little bit later on in life we've we figured out that we have to have some type of refuge therapy, some type of counseling, just because we need to find different ways and different tools to be able to deal with with our issues.
Speaker 1:Now we don't even really have to say mental issues, because you know issues can become mental. To say mental issues because you know issues can become mental, they can become emotional issues, and just being able to be able to navigate and find ways to navigate better, express ourselves and you know. So I feel like we've come a long way. I do believe that we have identified it, but I also think that we're at a point now where we have to go beyond that and be a lot more effective. You know, within our household first, and then, in addition to that, the community, because now, of course, there's a lot of mental health initiatives, thank God, but but at the same time, it's also become trendy, jay yeah everybody wants to be a mental health advocate.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't be laughing, man, but it's. It's almost trendy, like everybody's talking about. They have a, they're a mental health advocate. But you know what are the true steps that you've taken to be a true alliance, a true person of impact? When it comes to that, besides just giving yourself a title?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, pop, I agree with you and you made a really, really good point and I didn't even think about it. Folks don't want their business out there like that. That's a big reason as to why you might not feel comfortable with speaking about what's going on. But, like you said, it's different. You know methods now, different programs, and we just got to. We just.
Speaker 2:My thing is, it's just about getting it out right. So you know that you know holding things in, you know stressing about things, stuff of that nature, is not healthy for you. Silence is a killer. But you also silence. You can heal. So healing can't live in silence. That's what I'm trying to say. There's no way that you can get better by just thinking that, you know, or else it's not going to end good. So therapy is definitely, definitely, you know, an asset to you.
Speaker 2:If you feel like that and at this point there's a lot, a lot, a lot of different, you know just different ways to get into therapy. Like, I think we also have to understand that therapy. You know when we think about that. We think about, you know, going in, you know sitting on the couch and the therapist got his you know his little notebook out and he writing notes about you. But you know this is a new year, it's a new day. You know therapy has evolved immensely, so there's a lot of different ways that you can exercise your brain and exercise. You know stress and your mental health. You know there's different mindfulness apps that you can use. You know what I'm saying. That kind of helps you keep track of good habits that you want to continue to maintain. That could be good for for uh de-stressors and things like that. There's, you know, different uh groups and things like that. You could join online with people, like-minded people, that are trying to, you know, do the same thing and uh, exercise, you know, and and keep their mental health going good. You know diet is also like there's. You just have to have to do a little bit of research.
Speaker 2:But the thing is is you can't. You know you're not going to be able to do it alone. You know what I mean. At the end of the day, you're going to need some type of system of support. You know when you're dealing with these things and you've got to reach out, you know it's it's not always going to be somebody that will, um, you know, have, you know, be be handing you a flyer or something like that. You got to put a little work in and kind of help, help people, help you. You know, and I know that can be difficult as well. You know, uh, you know, with mental health sometimes we deal with depression and sometimes we deal with anxiety and isolation and things like this. But the first step is going to be really recognizing what's going on. And even that can be hard, like you know.
Speaker 2:Personally speaking, when I reflect and I look back on just different times in my life, I'm like you know, I probably was, you know was kind of going through some things and not just really speaking about it or kind of just putting it on the back burner as far as trying to deal with it. But it becomes apparent when you kind of look at different moments in your life and you're like you know, during this phase of my life I felt a different way, like how do I not necessarily how do I get back to it, but how do I identify what that was and how I can combat that? You know what I mean. So you'll have different hints and just different you know indicators of what state you know your mental health is in and it's a constant you and it's a constant nurture. It's a constant thing of checking in on yourself and checking in on people around you, because a big part about it is the company that you keep around you. You want to have people that you check on as well as people that check in on you.
Speaker 2:It's one of those games where you know the more that you pour out into other people and you get that back, it helps with the wholeness. It helps with you know feeling, your sense, your sensibilities in the world and where you are, sense your sensibilities in the world and where you are. So, um, that's another thing that that I would encourage people to do is just kind of seek, um, you know, relationships that are going to to help elevate you and and help keep your you know your mindset in the right spot. It's so easy to get caught up. And then another big thing is just like you know that the isolation like I feel like a lot of people that go through these mental health problems and depression and things like that you know the big, the biggest, the biggest enemy a lot of times is yourself. You know your biggest enemy can be yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's, let's address this, because you you dropped a whole bomb just now. So I want to back up just a little bit and and really kind of reel this thing back in Now. I think that we have to talk about what's been normalized. And what's been normalized is, like you mentioned before, you know people just being very passive. Think, think about this, think about whenever you ask somebody, just generally speaking, you know, hey, how you doing, how you been.
Speaker 1:Now in our community it has been very prevalent for people to automatically say, hey, I'm blessed, I'm blessed, I'm blessed, I'm highly favored, like that's, that's the thing, and a lot of times that that's a cover up, because that's what you want people to believe. And if you continue to say those things, then you know, maybe it will come into fruition. But if you think about it, if how many people are really honest and transparent about you know how things are going and you don't have to deep dive into your personal business, but you can just truly be like, hey, you know what, I've had better days, you know a lot is going on right now, and if a person could be that transparent, then those are opportunities for people to be more supportive. But if you just tell me, oh, everything's good, I'm blessed, I think, who? Everything's fine, then do what am I going to say? Like I'm not going to challenge you and be like, okay, what's what's really happening? Like I see the smile, but it's something behind it. You don't want to be diagnosing folks, right? That's cool.
Speaker 1:But I do think that, you know, in our communities we do have to be a little bit more transparent, and I think that it's okay to do that because, man, we've been having the front like it's all good for so long in our lives and in our lifetime We've had to pretend and put smiles on our faces, whether it be for the kids, whether it be for family members, whether it's coworkers and, like you mentioned, a lot of people are suffering in silence and that's kind of where things are. So that's why I wanted to, you know, really sit back in and address just the whole, like are you really good? And what that does when we, when we say that and we're not, uh, and so we don't give individuals an opportunity to support us, it doesn't allow us to be heard and it also doesn't really give you any type of, you know, opportunity to have some type of relief. So let me ask you this, jay. So how do you feel about um therapy, um counseling, because you mentioned that you. You weren't familiar with it and in our communities it hasn't been a big thing, or it was. It was taboo.
Speaker 1:No-transcript.
Speaker 2:No. So I think that, like I mentioned earlier, I feel like everybody on some level is dealing with some type of trauma. So I don't think it's ever like a threshold or a moment in time that you should wait. I think we should all actively be doing some type of form of therapy. It's just like brushing your teeth and washing your face. It's a part of your mental health hygiene, right? I think that it goes in tandem with that. You know, because you know otherwise you're just kind of covering up and you're just going around, you know, not really understanding yourself and understanding why you may be feeling a certain type of way.
Speaker 2:So I think everybody should exercise it, just like we all should be. You know, exercising period it's just one more component of, you know, just leading a healthy life overall. So now I think you know and you said it's become, you know, kind of trendy now, but you know it's good and bad Like it's good because you know people are becoming more aware. So I think that highlighting it is good and maybe more people will be exposed or at least have a thought of maybe I should try therapy, or maybe you know they heard somebody talk about it and it wasn't that bad, you know, especially in our community. Try therapy, or maybe you know they heard somebody talk about it. It wasn't that bad, you know, especially in our community. So I think that, yeah, I think I think across the board, like there's no, there's no drawbacks. Everybody should do it, at least once you know, or find some type of method and look into it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think if we can normalize it and make it, you know, something that's automatically beneficial because it's new. You know something that's automatically beneficial because it's new, you know, we can find new methods. We can find, you know, new tools on how to deal with the stress and things like that. I think that we should also just briefly kind of dig into the fact of of the difference between mental health and mental illness. You know, mental health is is just like physical health, it's just like financial health, it's just like spiritual health. We have to continue to do things. It's going to be a benefit to our mental right. So health means being very intentional on, you know, doing certain exercise or having healthy habits and healthy routine.
Speaker 1:Talk a little bit about what you feel like the difference, or the biggest difference, between mental health and mental illness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so mental health and mental illness obviously not the same thing. Mental health is something we all have, right, we all. Like you said, it's just like physical health Some days your health is good, you feel grounded, balanced, focused. Other days you might be anxious or burnt out. You know, tired, numb, just like your body gets tired, just like you know your mind can get worn down in the same way. So that's your mental health, right, it's like I was saying earlier, it's like an everyday maintenance type of thing.
Speaker 2:Mental illness, on the other hand, you know that goes deeper. That's what we talk about. You know, clinical diagnosis of, you know, like, bipolar disorder, ptsd, schizophrenia, things like that, anxiety disorders and that stuff. That's not something that just kind of comes and goes. It. That's when it kind of takes over and it becomes, you know, like, like, like a, like a more of a disorder, like personality disorder type of thing.
Speaker 2:But the problem, I think, a lot of times is, um, you know people hear someone say they're struggling mentally and they, you know they, they kind of want to throw one of those, one of those things on them. Um, and I think that's kind of where, where stigma comes from, where we talk about people turning, you know, their pain and stuff like that into labels and things like that. So we do have to be careful when we talk about, you know, the difference of mental health and mental illness, because there is a big difference and you don't want to go, you know, labeling yourself as one thing when you haven't really you know what I'm saying gotten that clinical diagnosis. But, like I said, fatigue, burnout, tired, numb, you know, we just kind of got to change the vocab around when we talk about mental health and not get them confused.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's, that's powerful, even even tampering with the word depression. A lot of people, a lot of people, self-diagnose. There's a clinical depression which obviously needs treatment. I'm, I'm depressed and I'm in a funk and they use, you know different, different buzzwords to describe where they're at. But you know, jay, a lot of times, man, when you hear a person say that the interesting part is they feel like they can pull themselves out of it, oh, I'm a funk, I just, you know, I've been depressed about so, I've been stressed out, I'll be OK, right, so there's no plan of action on how to help um right, you know you're trying to convince yourself that, uh, you'll be okay and obviously, through that method, it's almost like okay, well, what are you gonna do?
Speaker 1:like, that's how people develop. You know, certain vices yeah, I'll be okay. I just, you know, need a drink or eat, or I just need, you know, look at some porn or whatever the case is, and, and those aren't healthy habits. Nor are there actually, um positive ways to uh, to treat what you're going through and, uh, man, that's so key. I'm glad that you was able to break it down. Uh, when we talk about mental health, which again is the maintenance, and then, uh, mental illness is obviously something that that has to be treated, and that's where you have to have a professional. You can't go to your bestie and your bestie talking about, uh, okay, you know what, I know exactly what you need, girl. I know what you need, homie, all right, so we're going to get toe up this weekend and you're going to be all right Yo, that's the last thing you need.
Speaker 2:Yo come on.
Speaker 1:Isn't that wild, uh, man. So look, before we wrap this thing up, man, I still got a couple of things I want us to address and those of you that are checking out this very first episode yes, it is May 2025 and, and guess what, it is mental health awareness month, so we're dealing with that all month long. So you know, there's so many things that we could talk about, so many different directions we can go, but I do want to deal with two more things before we wrap this thing up, and one of them is talking about traumas and triggers and really what that whole healing process looks like. So, jay, I want you to to kind of navigate through traumas and triggers you know, through your perspective, and then how to to navigate through that whole process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so this is a good one. Um, you know traumas and triggers, which both are, have become you know, uh, words, that that that we use commonly nowadays, um, yeah, but you know people talk about healing like it's uh, um, like it's a straight path, like once you decide to do better, everything lines up and you know the sun comes up. But you know, healing is messy, it's layered and it's a journey. Um, uh, it could be a loop, a spiral sometimes. All of that, um, and you know, sometimes we think we good, and then somebody might say something, or you smell something, or you hear a certain tone and boom, you right back.
Speaker 2:You know you right back where you started. You triggered, um, you trigger. But the thing about trauma a lot of times it's not going to ask you or it's not going to give you any indication of when it's going to pop back up. You know, it's one of those things that just kind of hits like a reflex. So the healing, you know, healing is like having the courage to look at that pain, that trauma. You know, face it head on and say, look, I see it, I feel you, but you're not a part of me anymore. You know you don't define me, yeah, and another thing about it is healing isn't going to be. It's not going to be. You know, it ain't always got to be something that's super vocal. You know what I'm saying. You could, healing could just be, hey man, you know sometimes healing is crying. You know, sometimes healing is just walking away.
Speaker 2:Or one of the terms that I learned is the catharsis, which is like a grand release of emotions. So sometimes you got to go through that catharsis to really come to a point of understanding and healing. But triggers are one of those things that you're just going to have to deal with and kind of face head on. You know what I mean. It's all a part of the process. It's all a part of the healing process. So don't feel bad if you do have triggers as a response to your traumas. But healing it looks like just facing all of those things facing your traumas, facing your triggers and getting a hold of it and really, um, you know, starting that process, man, that process to freedom.
Speaker 1:Right, right, and that's a. That's a great point. I was going to say something as far as being able to, uh, release some things, because we hold onto some things because we haven't dealt with them, and um, ultimately, that's what we want. We want to be free. We want to be free from dealing with things of the past that aren't benefiting our future and present, and just kind of being free, and a freedom to express yourself and not hold them back.
Speaker 1:And you know, again, one of those phrases that we've learned to love is being apologetically yourself, you know, and so I think that's healthy. Those are definitely some, some methods that we should look forward to and not be afraid to navigate through that. So I think that's beautiful. Look, let's. We'll continue this actual conversation. We have so much more that we want to deal with, so much more we want to tackle. If you guys are listening to this and you have some ideas, some things that you want to share, feel free to check out our website, feel free to shoot us an email, go to any of our social media platforms and let us know exactly how you feel. Let us know that you're listening to the Mental Health Awareness Month episodes and you know we look forward to getting that feedback from you guys.
Speaker 2:That's it, pops and Son Conversations. A lot more to come. You guys Make sure you go to our website and get all that info. You know it's always a good time here.
Speaker 1:Yes, indeed. So signing off your favorite Silver Fox, rob Malloy.
Speaker 2:Hey, Javin, check three times.
Speaker 1:Yo and we'll see you guys next episode. Pops and Son Conversations. Be safe out there and we'll see you soon Peace.
