Pops and Son Conversations
Join US Air Force Veteran, Presidential Achievement Award Recipient, author, philanthropist, and social media influencer, Rob Malloy, and his son, author and model, Javan Anderson, as they navigate the generation gap with humor and heart.
On this podcast, Rob and Javan tackle a wide range of topics – from life lessons and fatherhood to current events and pop culture – offering a unique blend of old-school wisdom and new-school perspectives. Expect lively debates, unexpected insights, and plenty of laughs along the way.
Tune in to Pops and Son Conversations and discover:
- Candid conversations: Rob and Javan share their honest thoughts and experiences, providing a refreshing take on intergenerational relationships.
- Diverse perspectives: Hear how Rob's traditional values intersect with Javan's modern outlook, creating dynamic and engaging discussions.
- Humor and heart: Enjoy a show that's both entertaining and thought-provoking, leaving you with a smile and something to ponder.
Subscribe now and join the conversation!
Pops and Son Conversations
From Friendship To Love: Building Bonds That Last - Part 1 and Part 2
Dating shouldn’t feel like guesswork, and reinvention doesn’t have to feel like failure. We unpack what it means to date with purpose beyond the usual destination of marriage—healing, confidence, and clarity count too—and why friendship first is the underrated foundation for honest love. You’ll hear how skipping the friendship stage fuels situationships, how to run progress checks in a relationship without turning it into a report card, and why identity work is the real glue that keeps two people moving in the same direction.
From a father-son lens, we get candid about evolving standards as your life shifts. When you level up—financially, spiritually, emotionally—your needs change, and so should your circle. We talk about pruning relationships with care, choosing environments that feed your goals, and refusing to chase validation over alignment. If your hometown no longer supports your growth, plan your exit. You’re not a tree; you can move. Starting over is not a collapse, it’s a chapter break. The right room, the right friends, and the right pace often lead to the right partner.
We also share practical steps you can use this week: build spiritual discipline with gratitude and quiet reflection, reshape your environment with intentional moves, and capture your growth through journaling. Those pages become a timekeeper for who you were, who you are, and who you’re becoming. Whether you’re fresh out, getting ready to enter, or deep in a relationship, the goal is the same—seek reciprocity, protect your energy, and align your choices with the future you want.
If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a push, and leave a review telling us your next step. Your story is still being written—let’s make the next chapter intentional.
Keeping Veterans Fit, Inc.
Keepingveteransfit.org
Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations
Welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun Conversations. And yes, it is your favorite silver fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01:And Javen here checking in, Mr. Check Three Times.
SPEAKER_00:And there it is. Alright, what's up? How you feeling, son? What's going on?
SPEAKER_01:I'm feeling good. I'm feeling great. How are you?
SPEAKER_00:Hey, you definitely been in the A long enough, man. With the outcast reference. Hey, um, I'm thinking that uh this episode, you know, we always get a lot of requests about um certain topics, and this topic keeps coming back over and over and over. And you know, what we do here is is we give you guys a perspective of a father and son conversation. And uh again, we keep hearing this over and over. Uh, they want us to talk about relationships. What you think about that, Jay?
SPEAKER_01:Hey, I'm down, I'm with it. You know, relationships are so key to so much that we, you know, have to do in life, just going through life, relationships are always key. So it's never gonna be a dull topic, it's never gonna be a tired topic. So yeah, we could do that all day.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. So I'll tell you what, um, if we get to a point to where we have to break this thing up a little bit just because of the different subtopics and things like that, then we'll give you guys a part two. But uh, as far as we're concerned, uh let's just you know jump off this part one. So if we start talking about, you know, love, relationships, and and kind of the maturation of it, you know, the love is more of the personal, you know, interactions with someone that you know you're getting to know, uh, date, and you know, wherever it heads to. But relationships, you know, that is important too because that's where friendships come into play, uh, whether it's a platonic, uh, whether it you know becomes a business, you know, situation. So we have to talk about that as well. And of course, the the maturity aspect of it is I I think it gets real interesting because Jay, you know, people are are dating or people are out here with different purposes, right? You know, the the ladies are always on some uh dating with a purpose, you know, but that purpose isn't always marriage. And I think we're gonna have to address that because think about it, if if a woman has been in a long-term relationship and she's just going through a healing process and she's navigating dating again, she may not necessarily be uh be dating for marriage. So people have to take a look at that, man, because you know, dating with a purpose, people have different purposes, right? Some people are dating for, and I don't even want to get into this part yet, but they're kind of dating to gain their confidence back, right? Some people are actually actually out here dating just for uh just to kind of see what's out there, and so man, we'll navigate through all this and uh we'll do our best to get through it, Jay. But uh let's let's just go ahead and jump in with this thing. Who you want to go first?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, um, I like I'm gonna piggyback off some you said and just add, you know, a lot of people just dating out of boredom as well, you know. They're dating out of boredom and loneliness. Let's be real. You know, let's be real for a meal.
SPEAKER_00:That might be a whole nother episode, man.
SPEAKER_01:Dating for a meal, man. But yeah, but that's that's what's so crazy because you know, when we talk about relationships, and uh, you know, you you this is one of your um one of your points you say, you say, and and I correct me if I mess it up, but you you always say you're either in something. How does it how does uh remind me of that quote, Pops?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you you're in three places, man. Either you uh just got out of something, which a lot of people can relate to, um, or you're about to go into something, so you're preparing yourself, you evaluating, you're vetting, or you are smack dab in something right now, and you're either trying to get out or you're trying to figure it out. So uh those are the three places.
SPEAKER_01:Exactly. Right. So when so when I think about that in um in relationships, it's like a lot of people, you know, the they don't, they they just can't be idle. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think a lot of people have um I don't know, it's maybe like a uh a phobia, a loneliness phobia or something.
SPEAKER_00:It makes sense, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You know what I'm saying? So you'll see a lot of people that that are dating and they may not even be particularly actually ready to do it, actually ready to get into something. So that's how a lot of these situationships and things like that form. Wow.
SPEAKER_00:Hey man, look, you you uh you spitting fire early in.
SPEAKER_01:I'm just you know, I'm just being, you know, pops, because I I've I've sat back and I really thought about um, you know, the dating game. And you know, just of course, just relate relationships in general. And I just sit back, man, I see like it's it's it's it's so extreme. It's like you could be either like when you're single, you're single. You know what I'm saying? Like people be talking about they single, they lonely, they don't got nobody. There's like it's kind of like no real in-between. It's like you, like you said, you it's only three places that you could be. So, you know, once you when you when you interact with certain people, and you could kind of always tell, like, kind of, you know, what position they're in or what stage they're in. And a lot of a lot of their um, not necessarily personality, but just the way they come off is indicative of that. Like you kind of tell, like, you just got out of some, or are you ready to get in or something? You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know who's already, you know, involved with somebody, but you know, I just thought it was always so fascinating the different characteristics that you could pick out from somebody in those three different stages. Like you could tell.
SPEAKER_00:That's good. That's really good, Jay. You know, and um I think that it's also important, like you mentioned, to kind of take some time to take inventory of what you've been through, you know, and what you want moving forward. Like you have to figure out what you want for yourself before you look at what somebody can bring to the table to enhance what you got going on because there's so many traumas, and you know, we we've worked with um Dr. Uh uh Cynthia Williams, Dr. Curtis, um, you know, and and they really talk about grief and trauma, and that stuff carries over if you don't deal with it, and it can be 10, 15 years of uh of trauma, right? And and uh and it and it winds up resurfacing because people don't deal with it, and so that's why I think it's really important uh when we start talking about you know love and relationships to just kind of talk about you know building that authentic organic friendship. Because you know, when you're friends with someone, man, you don't really care uh about you know judgment, you just go to share because you know they got some stuff going on, you got stuff going on, so you're not really tripping, man. And it's and it's a lot easier to be transparent with your friends, and so when you build that that friendship first, then a lot of times you could put your ego aside because you don't have to have all the answers, right? You don't have to make um all of the perfect decisions, and that's what you know it's all about just kind of talking about your imperfections, your improvements, you know, your goals, your ideals, and you can do that a lot easier um when you're building a friendship versus someone you're trying to impress. Like you don't even really want to talk about your past because you embarrassed, right? Right, so you know, you don't want to talk about somebody did you wrong, you don't want to talk about how you did somebody wrong, what what residual stuff you have going on, and you know, when you can really be transparent, I think you can make a lot more progress. Number one, you're entrusting your situation with someone, and you know, you're building that loyalty with someone, and and even you know, not really knowing it, but just being free to be yourself, man. Um, and that's that's a that's a pretty powerful position to be in when you're getting to know somebody, Jay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I agree, I agree. Let me ask you this though, Pops. Like, because you mentioned when, you know, you're trying to impress.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Now, of course, naturally, it makes so much sense to go the friendship route first, right? Let's let's get to know each other, this, that, and the third. Yeah. But it doesn't always go like that. So what I mean, what do we call, like, what is that that other outcome where I guess maybe things are rushed, or maybe you're trying to skip the friendship step. Like, like, what is that? And why do people why do people even do that? Like, it's it's that feels a lot more unnatural to me. Like, let's just go ahead and be, let's, let's, let's couple up, let's say we're an item and not, and then we figure out everything else afterwards. Like, that doesn't make any sense to me.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right. Shoot first, ask questions last, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, like I don't I think that I think the people that do that or those type of relationships, you know, I know everything is different for everybody, but I just don't see how that dynamic can last for too long because it's almost like you as as a relationship progresses, you uncover things that you might dislike about that person you didn't know. That you you you may even find out things that you didn't know that you wouldn't, you know, like about them, but it just surfaces because y'all didn't go through that process of being friends and really learning each other. So yeah, I just I just never understood that.
SPEAKER_00:That's that's really powerful for you to even really understand that entire dynamic because it happens all the time, you know. As a you know, uh dating after divorce coach, you know, one of the things that that I share with my clients is identity. And a lot of times, you know, those issues are because an identity hasn't been established or re-established. And so it's it's people that are living off of the residual of the previous relationship to where there's unfulfillment. So think about this. If if a young lady was uh dating a young man, and let's say they dated for about four years, and around that two and a half, three-year mark, you know, she's like, hey, where is this thing leading now? Because initially we was like, okay, we like each other, we're gonna get to know each other, we're gonna spend some time together. But ultimate, the ultimate goal is to, you know, of course, establish uh a relationship and then build on that to you know being engaged and being married. And so if if things happen around that third year, whether it is, you know, some challenges in there, but they decide to stick together, she's still gonna be focused on the end result. So the end result should be hey, you know what, we're supposed to be engaged by now, we're supposed to be married by now. If we talked about kids, we're supposed to be talking about kids, you know, by now and what our future is gonna look like. But if he's been in a situation where it was either some type of trauma that happened, sometimes for for guys, man, we hit the reset button. Right? So things start over because now that we've gotten through this particular situation, we have to build back up to it. And so those are dynamics, individual dynamics that have to be addressed. And the only way to do that is through that transparency, and so it can become you know really, really tough for a couple, and now they're talking about how they don't feel like you know they're they're still connected, or you know, that person is drifted a little bit, and that's because you know they they haven't had any type of progress report in their relationship that they can have as a reference point. And I'm not necessarily talking about grading every situation, but I'm talking about what type of progress has have we made. And if we're not where we need to be, how can we get there? You know, and that's kind of you know, one of those situations where people just kind of go with the flow. You can't do that, you actually have to have a plan, you know, in this relationship thing, man. So I encourage people to uh really pay attention to where the relationship is going, especially if it's not going anywhere.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's that's one of those things that I think Tups comes with um a certain level of maturity. Sure thing. So so I want to ask you this. You know, being that you are, you know, a a seasoned gentleman, for sure. Like, what do you are there are there any similarities or or or like stark differences between, say, when you were dating at 30, well you were married, but in your younger years versus now, like are do you deal with the same type of um, I guess, like issues or or like are there any similarities or just a completely different ball game?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, uh there's gonna be some similarities, and then there's gonna be some differences, and it's important to know that uh both will happen and can happen simultaneously. And you know, uh it's all about evolving as an individual because as you evolve, as you personally grow and develop, you're gonna have different needs and wants. Now your desires may be the same, but your wants and needs may differ. Uh, you may be in a situation where you're working on your finances, you're working on your health, you know, you're working on uh your your status, but then when you actually achieve some of those things, now you're looking at more of quality over quantity, you know, so you don't have to uh go to the places that you you know used to go. Um you may be a lot more selective on who you're associated with, you know, even the type of people that you're around or you surround yourself with, like everybody can't go where you go, especially when you're hitting different levels in life. Like some folks might like for instance, you got some guys that you know they all they want to do is just hang out. Maybe they want to drink, uh, maybe they just want to uh you know watch sports or something like that. But then you have guys that are like, look, man, I'm I'm really trying to establish myself. Um, I'm I'm really looking to learn, I'm looking at education and things like that. And then you may have a group of guys that are established, and they just they're talking about building a legacy, you know what I mean? They're talking about taking things to the next level, they're talking about expanding business, they're talking about conglomerates, and so those are three different types of individuals. Now, you can you know pick and choose who you want to hang with, who you want to associate yourself with. Um, but when it comes down to what you want to accomplish, you have to look at what's going to be best for you. You have to prioritize is this good for my soul? Is this good for my family? Do these match with my goals and my purpose and the things that I want to accomplish individually and collectively? And so, man, it's it's a a variance of those things. And as you go through life, as you experience different things, Jay, that's where you learn where to actually put your attention to. You're gonna hurt a lot of people's feelings, um, but it kind of comes with the territory because when it when it boils down to it, if you're not accomplishing your goals, if you're not reaching the feats that you want, if you're not making the connections that you want, that's 100% on you. And you can't blame anybody else. And so that's why we have to uh you know focus our attention with like-mindedness and uh stay on task with our goals and uh and purposes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that was uh that was a word, Pops. I hope they I hope they heard all that, absorb all of that right there. Yeah, for sure. Um I feel that wholeheartedly. But you know, like I said in the beginning, like relationships are so key. You know, you have to you have to be able to compartmentalize those friends and really know, you know, like you said, who to take with you and who to and who to leave behind. Right. Um me personally, I know since I got here to the A, I I like you said, you know, I've been laser focused. So um I I wouldn't even say like, what do you how do you categorize like you got friends, acquaintances, you got maybe um like business partners and things like that. What what do you think is the the most valuable? Would you rather have more friends, acquaintances, or business partners, or is it just like a mix of all of them?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I I think a good mix, um, I think it's important because you you definitely want to stay to your roots. There's certain people that are uh close to you that know who you are, that keeps you grounded, kind of let your hair down, so to speak. Uh it's good to have those folks, you know. And when it comes to business, of course, you want people that can get you to the next level, uh, people that you can elevate with. Uh, you can have mentors, you have mentees. And so that's a whole, you know, another dynamic when it comes down to it. But trying to trying to uh create a very purposeful uh life balance. Now, I don't mean balance like everything is equal, but balance meaning as Libras, right? Sometimes we might have to lean a little bit to the left, sometimes we might have to lean a little bit to the right, uh, depending on how things are going or where we want to go. But just kind of knowing that we're gonna have that variety in life and knowing how to compartmentalize things. I think that's really the key to life because you can't always do just one thing. You know, you're gonna feel unfulfilled, you're gonna feel like uh, you know, you need a break from something. So just knowing all those things are important, and when it boils down to it, you know, of course, you want to take care of yourself. You know, you want to be aware of what you're ingesting or digesting uh when it comes to your physical, your spiritual, your financial, your emotional uh, you know, aspects of things. And so trying to find that, um, that's what life is about, man. That's why we we do this on a daily basis. That's why you surround yourself with people that you know will encourage and support you and give you strong constructive criticism. You know, we we uh nobody has all the answers, and it's not cookie cutter, so that's why, you know, you learn from experience on a daily basis, Jay.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I agree. Constructive criticism is is so important too. I used to, I'm not gonna lie, I I admit, I I at one point I had an issue. I want to say an issue, but it would it was hard for me to take criticism. I really had to learn how to sit back and and not take it so personal. But just use it to help to help me grow because especially about things, you know, that I create or or things I'm passionate about. It's like nobody could tell me anything about this. I made it, it's the best thing on earth. Yeah. But it's like, no, it's it's not. Some of this, everything you make isn't gold. Some of it's trash. And you need people to be real with you and tell you, hey, bro, you're you're creative, you're talented, but that isn't the best work. You could do better than that. And it's okay to, you know, to say, oh man, well, you might be right. Let me let me give it another go. So um, that's another thing. I encourage people because I was I was bad at it, man. And I think that it hindered a lot of my creative works because I was just so focused on what I liked or what I thought was was the best. But at the end of the day, if you're choosing to share it with the world, now anything that you think is the best, and it's it's it's if you're gonna keep it private, yeah, it could be the best thing to you, it's forever. But once you release it to the world, people have the the autonomy to critique it. They could say if they like it or dislike it. I mean, that's art. That's just that's just life. Everybody has an opinion. So, you know, being able to to extract the gems from people's, even even back, you know, critical really critical um comments or critiques and things like that. You could you could find some light in that and still be able to take that and improve your work.
SPEAKER_00:That's really good. Uh, I think in a sense, that's what that's what they call emotional intelligence. I don't really subscribe to all of that emotional uh stuff, but I mean there's definitely some some truth to it. Uh, we do have to do a better job of uh just deciding when to engage and and when something's not worth uh our efforts, our um our our uh mental bandwidth or emotional bandwidth, and we have to make some better decisions on on just not being reactionary. And we can we can do a better job, I think all of us, but especially as as men, you know, we're we're in a an era to where we're more vocal. At the same time, we're attacked more because of of being vocal, right? It's like uh I remember when I would post certain things and and people would come on there and say, Well, I don't agree. It's like we don't have to agree on my perspective. That's that's wild to me, right? And so uh, you know, we just have to be more aware and more focused on what the overall goal is and what we want to accomplish in life, and and those are the things, man, that that's gonna really take priority. So we got to keep doing that, Jay. Yes, sir. Yeah, so look, I think we're going to need to to uh put a pen in this, yeah, and and and look at doing a part two, but I want to be very intentional with the part two. Uh Jay, I think we need to, you know, start talking about things like uh, you know, um identifying, you know, your reality, your purpose, you know, that comes with like reinventing yourself. Like I think we should talk about the reinvention. You were mentioning something about you know the difference between you know uh things when you're when you're 30 or in that age bracket, or maybe your 40s, 50s. And I do believe that uh making sure that you have a strong identity because you know, through your experiences and you're learning through those things, you have to build upon that. So so let's do that, Jay Man. Let's let's let's rock out and do a part two for them.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, yeah. I hope y'all ready for part two. It's coming to you soon.
SPEAKER_00:There it is, y'all. So uh we again always thank you for your support. We'll see you guys next episode. Right here for you. It's your favorite single fox robbery.
SPEAKER_01:Check three times, check it out.
SPEAKER_00:All right, welcome back to another amazing episode of Pops and Son Conversations. And as always, it is your favorite father and son duo, Rob Malloy, your favorite silver fox, and Javen, Mr.
SPEAKER_01:Check Three Times checking in.
SPEAKER_00:The flyers poet. Now you know it. Let's go. I gotta mix it up for you, man. Gotta keep you on your toes, baby boy.
SPEAKER_02:Right, right.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so so look, guys, uh, we are very intentional about this episode. I know a lot, we got a lot of feedback from uh the last episode. We said that we were gonna talk a little bit more about relationships, love, and maturity. And so, really, we're just gonna jump right in, Jay. Um, what direction do you want to go? I know we mentioned some things about uh you know finding your identity and purpose and reinventing yourself. Um, I'm gonna let you lead the way, man. Let's go.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I think we uh we'll start here because I can relate to it um a lot. Um and that's the courage to pivot. And we're talking about you know, total life changes, moving cities, changing your lifestyle, yeah, you know, getting into new industries, creating, you know, new sources of income and markets for yourself, meeting new people, right? So um for me, it was it was it was I man, you know, I'm thinking I'm always at a loss so for for words sometimes when I think about it, because I I think about the before. You know what I mean? I I think about the mindset before, I think about you know my surroundings before, and just to see the change, like I said, it it does take my breath away because I couldn't have, I mean, um I could have imagined, but I I needed that push or whatever the case is. So um, yeah, I mean that's that's that's the reinvention. And it and it takes it can take a lot of guts, you know, it's it's it can be scary, you know, jumping off that off that cliff, so to speak, because you don't always know where you're gonna end up or what's gonna be on the other side. And a lot of times you hear, you hear some great stories, but you hear some horror stories too. So, you know, you kinda you can you can be anxious about it and and it can get tricky. But I think that the most important thing about that when you're thinking about, well, here, I'll start here. If if you are a person and you wake up every day and you and you're in a city, you know, that you don't particularly have, of course, you got your memories and stuff, but everybody, you know, they say they hate their hometown, they want to get out of their hometown, this and the third. If you're one of those people, you probably need to get out of your hometown, first of all. You know, if you if you're not there and you don't feel like it's fulfilling or you're having a good time or your life isn't the best it could be, move. Like, I don't know why people we act like we are trees or stationary. You know, we have vehicles, we have different modes of transportation, buses, trains, all these different ways to get up and go. You know, so don't limit yourself and be stuck somewhere when you really don't have to, you really don't have to. So that would be the first thing. Like just get up and go. Of course, you you you want to make a plan and you want to have some type of roadmap for where you're going. But I think number one is just is just making that move and getting up and saying, you know what, I'm about to make a change. I'm going to move. I know I got friends here, I know I got family here, I know they're gonna miss me. But if they love me and they, you know what I'm saying, and they really support me and and encourage me the way that they say they do, then they won't have you know any reservation with me relocating. They won't have any bitterness behind me going to pursue a better life for myself. That's just the bottom line for it. And if anybody does, they're not really in your circle and it's it's better off that you left left them behind.
SPEAKER_00:But it's flames on the mic, man. Cool that off, man. Cool that mic off. I think that's really important because even even from you know your perspective as a millennial, as somebody, you know, in their early 30s or just turning 30s, uh, that is a beautiful mindset. Uh I'm a genera, I'm a generation Xer. And so, you know, we we are the the group of individuals that trying things over and over and over and expecting you know different results. And so we have to take some pages um out of of your um generation and apply them because you know we'll be somewhere and and instead of saying, you know what, five years is too Long will be like, okay, but it's five years that I've invested. And that's two different mindsets because if you want change, you have to make change. If you can't change the things around you, then change the things around you. Right? And so those things are so important. But but I love the fact that you talked about um the importance of not staying complacent with yourself, uh, not getting too comfortable. And if you're not getting the results that you want, then try something different. Like it's not always you. Sometimes it's it's what you have uh around you that's not helping you grow. Sometimes that seed is not planted in the right fertile, uh, right fertile soil. Uh or sometimes you gotta pick that seed up, man. Dig that seed up, man. Dig that seed up and relocate it, man. Reseed it. Reseed it. I love that. So um, yeah, so you know, I I I also think that a lot of people are afraid of of doing something different, meaning uh, you know, relocated and maybe doing doing some things differently. Like you can always get to the same uh goal, you can get there taking different routes, right? So uh as long as you embrace that journey and you understand that you have to take the experiences for what it's worth, you know. Experience stop you, allow it to help guide you, reposition, and like you said, pivot, man. Those things are so important. And I'm glad that you mentioned that as a young man.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, you know, Pops, I think I think that uh what a lot of people come across too is the whole thing of of starting over. Like people are afraid to start from ground zero or they feel like they've built up, you know, whatever it is in their profession or you know, their creative arts or whatever the case is. So they don't want to start over. A lot of people look at that as failure, but it's not, it's really evolution. As humans, we evolve and we continue to go through different phases and changes. Like I'm sure people listening to this podcast think about who they were five years ago or 10 years ago. They probably weren't wearing the same clothes. They may have they may have had a different hairstyle, you know what I'm saying? Different pairs. Like we we evolve and we kind of become this different version as the days go on. So I think another important thing to do is to stay present. Like don't dwell on the past. Yeah, you accomplished what you accomplished, but it's never over because you got more days to live, you got more story to write. So I don't even don't even look at it as starting over. You just close that chapter or you close that book and maybe you're starting a new book or a new chapter. That's all it is, and it's it's it's a continuous evolution. So I think when people kind of, if they can reshape that thought process around it, it won't be as scary because reinventing or or just restarting, yeah, it sounds, it's it's it sounds like a task. But if you look at it just as, like I said, this is a whole new version of me. This is my new uh uh I'm I'm uh it's a new premiere, a new world premiere of me. You know, like coming back out to the world, y'all. This is the new version, y'all haven't seen this yet. You know what I mean? And that feels good too. And people can people will see you with that new energy, and it can ignite something in them. It inspires something in them because guess what they're doing? Yeah, they back at home, like you said, complacent. They're the ones that's sitting on the couch watching TV, afraid to make a change in their life or make a you know uh just a different, a different choice in their life. They don't want to move, they don't want to go anywhere, they they're cool with it, which I'm not downing anybody, because if you're cool with that, then fine. But if you're unhappy and you're doing that, I mean it's it's on you. Like you said, it's it's it's on you. You're the reason behind that because you got too many tools to where you can make a difference in your life and change something around. So yeah, that's that's that's my best advice. Restarting is not as scary if you look at it as a new a new chapter.
SPEAKER_00:That's powerful, Jay. Uh, I do want to add, you know, uh context as well, because we are talking about love relationships, uh, maturity. And when you when you put it together, um when we're talking about love and relationships, I think it's important for people to see, you know, their growth. Um I think it's important for them to see their development. Because when you when you have those things, then again, you're going to have a different standard. You're gonna have a different standard for yourself, you're gonna have a different standard for those around you when it comes to love and relationship. These people are gonna have to be on a certain level in order to get your energy, to receive, you know, your resources, uh, your vibe. And I think that sometimes we get caught up holding on to people and things longer than we should. Not saying that you have to completely uh dismiss them, uh disassociate, but when you start investing your time, your resource, and energy, it has to be where you can also be refilled, yeah. You have to be in in a put yourself in a position to where you know that where you're at, you are being refilled. Somebody is pouring into you. It is not a lopsided situation to where you're giving all your energy, all your resources, all your love, all your time, all your attention just for someone who cannot give you reciprocity. Now I know I'm preaching on this one, but I think that this is really crucial in order for people to understand you have to move on. Not only move on, but you have to move up. Right? No lateral movements, man. I'm talking vertical. And my message uh will always be to make sure that number one, you're taking care of yourself. And by doing that, of course, you have your higher power where you get your source from, but it's also about what you're surrounding yourself with, what you're putting in your spirit, man, what you listening to, what you putting in your body, what you putting around your body, like what kind of residuals are you getting? No, no CB reference, but what type of what type of residuals, man, are you actually partaking in? And uh for me, I found myself elevating uh these last four or five years to where a lot of people that I used to rock with, they they move themselves away from me. It wasn't something to where I stopped calling or you know, I stopped inviting them to uh you know certain things, and or you know, they see on social media what events I have. They stop coming, they stop inboxing me, you know. So uh what that lets me know is uh again, sometimes uh you need to elevate, you need to separate to elevate, you know, um, and that's what it's gonna take. So, you know, I definitely encourage people uh in this journey to please understand that you're not gonna be able to make everybody happy. We go through life worrying about what people think, worrying about what people are gonna say, worrying about if people see us or not, looking for that validation, and that's that's so real. I don't care what people try to say. A lot of us are looking for validation. Now, you may not be looking for validation everything in every aspect in your life, but come on now. I tell you what, what if you put a post up or a video up and that thing only gets five likes? When you put that video up, Jay, that thing only gets 89 views. You're gonna feel some type of way. So it might have to come back now. But at the same time, what you should focus on is the message, right? Right, because the if that message lands on good ground, you've done your job. If that message or that picture inspires just a handful of people, you've done your job because that's how uh duplication works, right? And so you want to be able to have a clear understanding, a clear vision of what your purpose is, how you're gonna execute it, and what is your team gonna look like because you can't do it alone. And so there's people that's gonna be by your side, Jay, that's actually going to elevate with you and help you elevate. Now, later on, they may have their own projects, they may have their own dreams to where you know that they got to go about their way, but that process is so strong because now they know what they're gonna need to be to someone else and what other people will desire and have expectations from them. So, man, I I just think that we keep embracing our journeys and not worrying about what's going on to the left or right, Jay, we're gonna be all right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That's that's a fact. That is a fact, and that takes a certain level of self-awareness too. Sure. Um, the people listening to this podcast, we all sometimes need those reminders. You know, that's why I don't even think there's um when you think about redundancy and topics and things like that, I don't care because there's always gonna be somebody that hasn't heard it talked about in the manner that that we're talking about it. You know what I'm saying? They don't everybody doesn't have the same type of examples or life experience. So self-awareness is so important. So if you listen to this pod and you connect with some of these examples or or or even some just some of the uh the phrases that my pops is dropping, because he got the quotables. Pops, you got the we gotta start doing them t-shirts with your quotables, y'all. I'm not lying. So um it's it's so important just to to be able to look, step back and take a look at your surroundings and see where you are. Let this, you know, let this be that call to action to say, all right, man, am I is my circle like that? Are people trying to help me elevate? Am I stuck? Am I on the couch? Like, look, this could be that. And it's and it's it's always with love. Like it's it's no negativity, it's always positivity because this podcast is about pushing fathers and sons forward, setting that example. And, you know, I I would, you know, as when my son gets a little bit older, you know, he doesn't really have that concept now. But of course, these are things that I want him to understand as early as possible. You know what I mean? Just kind of to allow him to already know because he may be dealing with people that that don't have that concept. And like you said, any it just just because you may not have like the loudest megaphone, you still can't set that example for anybody, and it'll land where it needs to land. Yeah. That's that's how we do it. That's how we spread that message, and that's how we make sure that we good and our peoples is good.
SPEAKER_00:That's powerful. So look, this is what we're gonna do. Uh, because you know, we could talk all day long, but let's talk about some actionable steps that we can actually do uh starting today, and and then we'll just you know, we'll we'll end the this episode with that because we love the feedback uh and you guys uh always show us so much support. But I think uh in in this moment, let's talk about some actionable steps that we can actually do. So uh for one, I would say uh Jay, uh building your spiritual discipline. And what I mean by that is a lot of times, man, we pray whenever we we need something. You know, we pray whenever things get tough uh to get out of the situation. We start negotiating with our creator. Jay, you ever negotiate? Say, hey God, if you get me out of this, I promise you I ain't gonna go back this direction. Everybody's done it, right? Yes, everybody has done it. But if we build some healthy spiritual habits, I didn't say anything about religion, I said spiritual habits, so that means we're talking about the inner man, we're talking about the inside, we're not talking about the surface. So if we could just kind of get back to meditating, I think that'll be amazing. And we can get back to intentional prayers of of thankfulness, of gratitude. Uh man, like we could we could literally change some things in our lives when we just implement uh exercising our spiritual man. How do you feel about that, Jay?
SPEAKER_01:I agree 100%. I mean, you know, I'm a I'm a big proponent of that, of um, you know, just whatever type of self, self-therapy or self-study that you could do because it's always gonna be different. Some people don't want to meditate. Maybe they want to, you know, go for a walk, or maybe they just want to sit and read a good book or whatever it is. But it's all, like you said, it's about that inside study of yourself and really just taking time from the outside world to really understand yourself. I mean, that's that's really all it is when we talk about, you know, the the spiritual side of things. It's when you remove yourself from the world, right? Because everything worldly, you know, it's a lot of distractions. So you have time with yourself, your time with your own mind to understand where you are within the world. You can't, you know what I'm saying? You can only view yourself with them. So I think that a big part of it, um, especially when we talk about, you know, the reinvent reinvention and just different things like that, as I mentioned earlier, your environment is a big, is a big part of it. You know, take those steps, move, do what you gotta do, even if it's um uh uh relocating within, you know, within your city, maybe just it's or or or within the state, I should say. Like if you feel like you gotta move or you feel like you stuck, stagnant, whatever the case is, don't feel like a plant, don't feel like a tree. You know, take those steps and do what you gotta do to to move. And then um another thing I would say was just like reflection, which we kind of already talked about.
SPEAKER_02:Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
SPEAKER_01:That's a good, that's a good practice. Daily reflections, like was today was the did the things I do today go to help towards you know the goal that I'm trying to reach in the future, because you gotta remind yourself that every single day because it's so easy to get off track.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, oh boy, hey man, flame off, Jay. Flame off.
SPEAKER_01:You say you said actionable steps. I'm trying to let them know.
SPEAKER_00:All right, so look, uh, I know it's about time to wrap things up, but there's something that I I want you to kind of finalize and kind of bring to a close, which is important. Um, but before that, I do want to mention uh we talked about, you know, maybe relocating and kind of redefining some things. Don't break your lease. Okay, don't be out here and you know you just moved somewhere and you've been in there three months and you got a whole one-year lease. Don't don't talk about a pops and someone said I just need a new, I need uh uh a new atmosphere. So, you know, you just skip out, man. Don't don't do that. That ain't on us. We're not responsible. Oh man, but in addition to that though, Jay, so how do you feel about when it comes to love, when it comes to relationship, how do you feel if your maybe your partner, your future partner, uh is isn't in the area? Like, for instance, you know, you moved from Florida, now you in Atlanta. Like, how do you feel like maybe your your partner is in your new location? Um, I I mean the clock at.
SPEAKER_01:I don't, you know, I I don't think there's I think that's good. The new location because I mean that's is that is that not more incentive or you know what I'm saying, to to relocate. I don't know. Like I feel like if you're in that space of you want to reinvent and and and do these type of things, that may be um one uh another impetus because a lot of people say they don't even like the people in their hometown. You know what I'm saying? They don't want the locals. Maybe you went to high school together, you see them at Walmart all the time, you don't want that. So yeah, I think you know, you move to to a new spot. You actually, I think you're probably more likely to find that romantic connection. That's good. That's a good point. I think I think it's I think it's more likely, and it'll probably happen a lot sooner than you think.
SPEAKER_00:Especially if you're open-minded about it, right? Oh, yeah. You have to be, you know, open-minded. Because sometimes when you're not looking, you're gonna find it, or it's gonna find you rather, right?
SPEAKER_01:It'll fall in your love.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so um I want you to kind of close things out. Uh, one of the things that I think is extremely effective, and we get away with, we we get away from it at times, but journaling, journaling your life, that's something that obviously you're very uh efficient at. Oh man. And you you share it. So uh as we close out, just share the importance and some of the benefits of just kind of journaling and what that may look like.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So I have, yeah, I'm I'm an I'm an avid journaler. Um, I'm not gonna lie. I have so many journals. Okay. Not even, I have physical journals, I have different journal apps on my phone. Um one of the things I really like about journaling is that it's almost like a, it's like your own personal timekeeper or reflection. Because the thing about journaling is if you do it daily or even weekly, you don't see a lot of people think that you have to journal every day. You don't have to. You could journal once a month, you could journal once a week. The goal of journaling is basically just to express yourself, how you're feeling in that particular point in time. And then it becomes a reference. Okay, you go back, um, you know, a year later, you go back and look at a journal, you know, from two, three years ago, and you cross-reference, you know, what point or emotions you had, you know, at that point in your life. And it and it gives you just like a sense of it gives you like a sense of wholeness and more understanding of yourself. Because you gotta understand that emotions are fleeting. Like unless, unless you write them down, even thoughts are fleeting. Like, unless you keep a track record of it, you don't you don't remember everything or how you felt or how you thought about a particular subject or how you felt on a particular day. You're not gonna remember unless you write it down. But once you're able to go and and look at that, you know, you it it kind of answers some some questions that you have about yourself that it you that you didn't even know you had. Because like I said, like you may feel one day today, then tomorrow, you feel a different way than tomorrow. But once you keep a um a record of that, it allows you to, um, in a sense, like I said, it it just it just brings you more understanding of yourself. So journaling is a big, uh, uh, um, uh, a really great way for um you to get involved with like uh what do they call it? Your there's a there's a word, it's mindfulness. Mindfulness is a word I'm looking for. Yeah, yeah. It's really good mindfulness, it keeps your brain sharp. Um, of course, you know, if if you're a writer like me, you know, it keeps your your vocab and your addiction and things like that sharp. So, you know, you keep a good writing hand. But overall, man, it's just it's just therapeutic. You know, therapy is one thing, but once when you, if you especially like if you had like a rough day or something, I promise you, you will feel better if you write it out or if you type it out. It's almost like a release. There's a word for it, it's called um a catharsis. And that means an emotional release. It's often used, um, it's actually uh a literary term. So, like in in different books or plays or poems and things like that, you'll have like this um dramatic catharsis by one of the characters where they just kind of like spill their heart out or things like that. So that's basically what it means. But the point of it is to, you know, bear everything and get it out so that you can move on with a clean slate. And like I said, a week later, a month later, you go back and you read it and you have a revelation about yourself, or maybe you see why you felt that way, or or you can make connections on to um, you know, how you could change that behavior. It's it's just it's it's really good. I encourage everybody to to journal. And like I said, I think a lot of people don't do it because they think that it's something you have to do every day, but it's not. You could do it once a week, you could do it once a month. Just write how you feel and just, you know, just get it out. It ain't got nowhere else to go, you might as well put it on paper.
SPEAKER_00:Hey, that's so powerful because uh even with mentioning that, it can build up, and so you don't want to really have a uh a conglomerate of different emotions, man. You want to be able to journal those emotions in real time because it may be some moments to celebrate, it may be milestones, it may be some times to where you have to reflect, it may be some challenging times. So those are a lot of powerful benefits of journaling. Jay, you you just made me look, I got some composition books. I'm gonna start there, man, until we get to get the pops of sun journal books out there.
SPEAKER_01:Right on. Hey, that hey, yeah, we will get that easy.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, we need that. Hey, look, but by the time they get to this uh uh pod, it should be available, man. We should have the link available. So uh man, look, uh this is this is powerful. Um, it's impactful. Um, again, this is the perspective of a father and son. I want to encourage not only the the men out here that may be fathers or may not be fathers, uh, may not have a relationship with your father, uh, may be uh you know curating a new relationship. I want you to continue to share the podcast, uh, give us some feedback, give us some topics you feel like we need to ensure that we we discuss, but also for the ladies, for the mothers out there, the soon-to-be mothers, the the ones that may have a disconnect with their son, the ones that may have a great relationship with their son, these are the the messages that we want to share because it goes beyond us. It goes beyond you. So this is way bigger than us. We thank you again for your support. And uh look, we want you guys to check us out next episode because it they continue to get better and better. As always, it's your favorite silver fox, Rob Malloy.
SPEAKER_01:And it is Javen Mr. Check three times checking out.
SPEAKER_00:That's it. Pops in some conversations. We'll see you guys next time.
