Pops and Son Conversations

Family Day Over Feast Day

• Rob Malloy and Javan Anderson

Share episode

Send us a text

The best memories don’t come from perfect pies; they come from people who feel seen. We take a fresh run at Thanksgiving by reframing it as Family Day—an open door for those who love the gathering but not the old narrative. That small shift brings big wins: earlier meals so no one is hangry by 4 pm, gratitude circles that ground the room, and traditions that respect elders while giving kids a clear rite of passage from the kid table to the grown-up side.

We dig into fatherhood rituals that carry weight, like carving the turkey with intention and scheduling one-on-one check-ins as the year winds down. Co-parenting gets real, too. We share practical ways to plan holidays across homes without drama: mapping the calendar early, putting the child’s experience first, and staying flexible when travel or extended family enters the mix. If you’re hosting, we tackle space management, guest etiquette, and the unspoken rules everyone remembers but few say out loud—arrive when invited, introduce your plus-one, and let the cleanup be the kids’ time to shine.

Legacy threads through every scene. We challenge listeners to gather stories straight from the source, not the internet—ask grandparents about migrations, careers, and choices; let teens talk about their world without judgment. And yes, we face the “new boo” dilemma head-on: when to bring them, how to debrief them, and why timing protects your peace. We close with a heartfelt shout to Love from Afar and Dr. Cynthia Williams, celebrating youth who are navigating grief, choices, and growth with courage.

If this conversation sparked a new tradition or helped you rethink an old one, follow the show, share it with family, and leave a quick review so more people can find us. What tradition are you keeping—or cutting—this year?

Support the show

Please follow Pops and Son Conversations on the website, popsandsonconversations.com, and social media @popsandsonconversations

SPEAKER_02:

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun Conversations. And of course, it is your favorite silver fox.

SPEAKER_00:

And it's me, son Javen, Mr. Tech Three Times.

SPEAKER_02:

There it is. And we want to wish you guys a happy Thanksgiving. A lot to be thankful for.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah. I feel good. I feel good, feeling thankful.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Well, we do have a lot to cover in a short amount of time, but we always want to take a few moments and just be thankful. It doesn't have to be the actual holiday to be thankful, right?

SPEAKER_00:

No, no, you could be thankful every day. You should be thankful every day.

SPEAKER_02:

I sure hope so. Because things could be different. And so, you know, we're happy to be able to bring this episode to you guys uh for Thanksgiving. And so we'll do something a little bit different since this is our official Thanksgiving episode. And you know what, Jay, this is gonna be uh our official Thanksgiving episode, and it's gonna be like our official holiday episodes that we get to share this year.

SPEAKER_00:

Mm-hmm. That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so we're gonna get right into it. Uh, we're gonna talk a little bit about Thanksgiving and you know what it means to us, uh, what it means for you guys, and uh, you know, from childhood memories to, you know, how things have changed along the way. So we're gonna tap in and uh let's do it, Jay.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you know, I just go ahead and jump right in. Thanksgiving, you know, around this time, at least growing up, it just was always so special, you know what I mean? It's it's like this time of the year. Um, I just remember when I was growing up, it's like I waited for this. That Thanksgiving food, that family time. Um, you already know the the uh the board games coming out. One of my favorite board games is categories. I'm calling categories, so um, like we would play that every year. And uh Yeah, I just you know, it's it's it's that time of the year where you just focus on on family, them old family stories coming out. Yeah, that's that's what I remember growing up.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay, all right, and um, you know, there's just so many memories, you know, throughout the years, and and I think things change. I mean, obviously as adults now, it's a little bit different than when we were younger. I know for me growing up, you know, my brother, sisters, you know, mom and dad, um you know, being a little bit younger than my siblings, man, I don't have a whole bunch of of Thanksgiving memories just because I I remember, you know, just just being hungry. Just being hungry. And I know that that has changed a little bit, but one thing I've always wondered, man, especially about our culture, why is the focus on Thanksgiving dinner like, why can't we have a Thanksgiving breakfast?

SPEAKER_00:

You know what? Um I've never thought about that.

SPEAKER_02:

But we should do it, we have to change the trajectory of eating earlier, man. We we gotta do that because people will literally non-voluntarily fast until about three or four o'clock, depending on your family. Because I would say the number one thing, Jay, would be you don't want to eat before certain people get there. Right? So if you got an auntie or an uncle, or you waiting for grandma and granddaddy to get there, or you know, your favorite cousin, them, you know, the folks will hold off.

SPEAKER_00:

It's an unspoken rule, man. Don't touch, don't touch that macaroni, don't touch that ham.

SPEAKER_02:

Right, right, leave it alone.

SPEAKER_00:

You're gonna look, you're gonna, you're not gonna eat all day just so you can gorge yourself when the food is ready. Two, three plates, because you ain't ate since yesterday.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my god, man. Listen, but but I tell you what, also, though, you also got to keep in mind that the kitchen, the space in the kitchen ain't even available to get food. Nah. Auntie in there, your grandmama in there, your cousins, everybody in there, man. You can't even get into the kitchen. You can't even get to the fridge. So if you got to one of them old school homes where you know there's a fridge in the garage or downstairs, hopefully you can get something out of that. But anyway, so uh that is one one thing that I want to make sure that we we mention is just the waiting to eat is a problem historically. Historically, so we gotta do better, folks. Like let's let's get some you know, some Thanksgiving breakfast going on. I think that should be a new tradition.

SPEAKER_00:

I like that.

SPEAKER_02:

I like that tradition immediately. All right, now it didn't happen today, but you know, maybe next time, man. Or maybe even the next uh holiday, man. Maybe we can get into that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Let's just add so we do have that. We can have that right away.

SPEAKER_00:

I sell. Yeah, let's add breakfast into the uh into the traditions. I'm not mad at it.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm not mad, man. We gotta do it, man. So look, so we'll get a little serious because um there are a few things that we want to make sure we cover this episode, and uh a lot has to do with uh family. You know, I know that there's a lot of people that have uh different interpretations, different translations of of what the Thanksgiving holiday means. Some people don't even celebrate it. Okay. And I'm okay with that. I'm not forcing any specific traditions or or values because you know, you do what you believe in, you do what's right for your family. But I do consider the opportunity for family day. And so that's kind of what I got into these last few years, you know, not even looking at labels or titles, but it's an opportunity because you know, a lot of people are off. So that's a beautiful thing. And so what are you gonna do with that time opportunity, right? You're gonna try to spend some time with family, hopefully. So, Jay, historically, have you ever ran into anyone that is like, you know what, I don't even celebrate that day as Thanksgiving?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, not so, no, not so much. I I've pretty much, you know, I I can only remember people, you know, celebrate, hey, it's it's it's Thanksgiving. But I do like the concept of a family day just to kind of get because you know, we know the the roots of of Thanksgiving and the history behind it. So I think Family Day makes a lot more sense for a lot of people. But um honestly that's always kind of what it has has seemed like to me. Like it really was just about getting with family. And, you know, we would do the the old tradition of before we eat, everybody, you know, we um we go around the room and everybody say one thing that they're thankful for. Like that was always the main core focus, which is family and what are you thankful for and sharing that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no doubt. I think that's important as well. Um, you know, also when we think about, you know, Thanksgiving and we think about, you know, family, um, I'm just trying to think, man, what what are some of the traditions that you because, you know, we mentioned an idea. I want to start the family, uh, the family breakfast, holiday breakfast going on. But what are some of the other traditions, man, that you know, you you want to make sure keeps going? And then maybe some that you're like, you know what? I'm good on that. Like, can we cut it out?

SPEAKER_00:

Uh, what what can we cut out? I don't know. I definitely think um the time, you know, maybe we could get it. But I know that that that man, it takes it takes so long to prepare, man. You know, it takes so long to prepare, so it's kind of like you just never know when the food's gonna be done. But um I don't know. I can't really think of any any that I would want to let go, but I know that one I definitely want to continue is, you know, we like I said, we just always before you eat, everybody at least say one thing that, you know, they're thankful for. That's the the main one I could think of. What about you, Paul?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, that that's a powerful one. Um, I also think the tradition is making sure, you know, that the that the elders are taken care of. True. Right? Uh that's something that for me should be lifelong, you know, especially when you got a bunch of kids at the house, man. Like, I think that we're at an all-time high where kids are at the house, man. Like a bunch good grief.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like um snatches.

SPEAKER_02:

It's like everybody got a bunch of kids that they bring into the house, man. Like, you almost need to have a whole nother house, uh, a whole nother area just for the kids. And I I remember that's kind of something that I think it is uh important too, is to have the adults at the adult table and then have the kids and the younger ones in their own area. I think that that's pretty big, you know, when you're bringing a bunch of families together. Now, obviously, at your house, you do what you want to do. But I think uh if if we can continue to do that, you know, keep the adults, keep the elders, uh, because you know, there may need to be some adult conversation, you know.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. As a matter of fact, when you mentioned that, Pop, that, you know, that kind of reminds me of something, you know, what was different about Thanksgiving growing up. I remember that kid table, you know, eating at the kid table with all my cousins, and then, you know, growing up and kind of transitioning from the kid table to the adult table. You know, now you sitting right next to Auntie with why they playing dominoes or scrabble or whatever the case is. And I just always thought that was, you know, it's like one of those coming of age moments because now you looking at your little cousin and telling them to go sit down somewhere. So yeah, that's one, that's kind of one of those, I like that that tradition, like making sure, because it's kind of like uh a rite of passage, you know. Kids, y'all stay where you are, stay in y'all's place, and this is where grown folks at.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. That's kind of how it's been working for a long time, you know, especially in our family. Uh, the only thing I would say that that probably needs to go is the uh the extended time to serve. Like I think that we should be very um intentional in starting to eat a little bit earlier because think about this. You know, you you have the guys that probably want to watch sports, right? And so if you want everybody at the table, then you probably want to go ahead and start knocking that out before, you know, football or basketball comes on and things like that. That way, you know, the the guys ain't taking their plates going into the to the living room, right? Right. So it if I think uh if we can if we can do that, just be a little bit more intentional in the time. Now look, I'm saying that, but I probably don't really have any say-so when it comes to it, because I'm not in there cooking. Right? And I'm not trying to rush the macaroni not having that that brown crust on the edges, right? So I don't want to mess nobody's uh meal preparation up, but I do think that we got to work on on getting that done a little bit earlier. So whatever, whatever that takes, because Jay, you also got to remember that in some households, they they start the the meal prep like one or two days before Thanksgiving Day.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

I know it. You know, so uh again, you go in that refrigerator looking, you can get a snack, man. All you see is greens, beans, tomatoes, potatoes. You you name it. You name it, right? All right, so you know what? I I do want to also talk about, you know, briefly, about some, you know, some traditions that we either want to create, you know, as fathers, or you know, some that you may remember, you know, even as a father now, Jay. So, you know, what do you think is something that, you know, you want to create and something, you know, especially as being a father, you uh you've enjoyed.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think one of the traditions, um, Thanksgiving tradition as a father, I probably want to just kind of get like a good one-on-one like check-in, like check-in with son, you know what I'm saying? You know, being, you know, the timing of Thanksgiving, kind of wrapping up the year a little bit, and just, you know, all the experiences that, you know, you've been through throughout the year. I think uh uh it's a perfect time to kind of check in, you know, how how's everything going? How's you know, how's school been, how's your friend group, things like that. Just kind of like a life check-in around Thanksgiving time, I think is it's probably appropriate to get tradition.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I think that's really good too. Um, and that's really important because it's it's one of those times where family is around you, you know, it could be a nostalgic moment. And uh, you know, you never know what type of conversations can come, you know, when you're getting that time in with family. You know, you may reminisce, um, you you may get something from, you know, another family member that makes you even appreciate your relationship, you know, as a father. So I I would also add to that, I think that the father should carve the turkey. Uh I I think that that is something that is really a huge milestone. And I believe it it signifies a lot more than people think, right? It's kind of like, hey, this is uh this is you know the father, the man of the house, uh, the patriarch, if you will, and he will continue to you know lead, continue to protect. And you know, he's about to slice and dice this turkey too. So once that happens, is is on. And so I think we uh we can kind of look at that as a symbolic moment of uh appreciation, you know, um of a father. But addition in addition to what you were saying, you know, I also think that it is an opportunity for uh us men to even talk to the younger generation. Like it should be a literally it should be like a set aside and uh have those conversations and and and get feedback and and answer questions and see what's really going on, you know, in these different households as the young men navigate you know through life.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so we can we can do that. Uh what what else we got, Jay? Let's let's talk a little bit about co-parenting um when it comes to you know the Thanksgiving, like sharing time. Now, of course, of course, you know, for me, it did transition because you know I was married before, so there was times where, you know, it was it was a house full, and then there were times where uh it wasn't. And so, you know, the co-parenting thing is you kind of swap out, we you know, whatever the arrangements are between those parents. But uh I'll let you talk about that because it's been a little bit of time for me since all y'all grown now. But yeah, you know, so so for you, even navigating that or you know, what what was your or what are your current expectations and then how have you been able to navigate that in the past?

SPEAKER_00:

Um, you know, like many things, it's always, it's always just a conversation. You know what I mean? Holidays are always gonna be uh those key events on, you know, where is you know the child gonna be? Is it gonna be with mom? Is it gonna be with dad? So uh hopefully, you know, you're able to to talk and communicate with um with uh with your uh co-parent and uh and just you know just kind of figure it out. But you know, for me, uh I think, you know, it's typically we kind of just we just weigh, you know what I'm saying? Like, yo, what's what y'all got going on? You know, I say what I got going on, where I'm gonna be at. And um this year, uh I'm I'm trying to think about, I don't even remember how it was last year. I know this year I'll have I'll have PJ this year. Um Okay, good. Um so you know, yeah, like I say, it's just it's just it's just one of those conversations. It's it's never it's never any pressure, you know, it's just like, hey, how we gonna do this? Let's sit down and and and and hash that out, you know. Well and and I think also it's important to kind of map it out, because around this time, you know, it's so many holidays back to back. Like, okay, how we doing Thanksgiving, okay, how we doing Christmas, okay, what are we doing for New Year's? Like, let's go ahead and and get everything um road mapped so there's there's you know nobody's surprised or there's no and then also just so everybody gets the the time, you know what I mean? Um if it's possible in an ideal world, you know, it would, you know, you could transition maybe half the day here, half the day there, but you know, it doesn't always work out like that. So um, you know, just have that conversation and see what's gonna work best for y'all.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and I think like many families, uh depending on what's what's really going on, because you know, one parent may be going out of town to visit some family that's out of town or you know, taking some type of road trip or vacation. And then of course, you know, you want the you want that young and uh to experience those things. Um, if, you know, if that's uh what the arrangements are. Um and so, you know, I I encourage everyone to, you know, those parents to to kind of work it out and keep the kid in mind, though, right? Allow the kid to experience some new things if there's an opportunity there to meet some family members that they may have not met before, right? Versus uh just being like, nah, last year you had her, last year you had him, and then y'all don't even do nothing. Y'all just had the house.

SPEAKER_00:

Right.

SPEAKER_02:

You know what I mean? So keep keep that in mind. Well, I remember them days, man, the to where, you know, you you really almost had to plead plead the your case, you know, for the child's sake. Right. You know, because you know better. So um, you know, definitely keep that in mind.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, well, you know, another thing about it too is like, like we kind of mentioned earlier, these around the, you know, these holidays and things are real, like core memories in your childhood. So you want to make that experience as as best as it can be for your kid because it's one of those things that they're gonna remember. If it was good Thanksgiving, it was good Christmas, if it was, you know, drama during, you know, things like they're going to remember that for, you know, until they grow up. You know, what how was the the kid table? Like I said, that right of past, all these things are gonna be, you know, like core memories. So it's it's definitely important to plan and make sure that you're doing what's what's in the best interest for the kid.

SPEAKER_02:

Man, that's that's a strong point, man. That's a strong point. And uh, you know, we we gotta think uh about all angles nowadays, man, just to be fair um to the kids. So, you know, one thing I'm not gonna get into, but I do want to mention, man, I imagine, imagine the difficulty of somebody that got multiple babies by multiple folks. Like, what does that look like, man?

SPEAKER_00:

That's tough.

SPEAKER_02:

Five, six kids, and then you know, you got four baby daddies and four baby mamas, and you know, you got different drop-offs. Man, imagine multiple baby mamas dropping the kids off, man.

SPEAKER_00:

I cannot imagine it.

SPEAKER_02:

You're gonna have to meet at the nearest grocery store. You know what I mean? You can't have them come to the house, man. Somebody wants to linger and hang out and see when the other baby's mama coming. Hey, man, I don't even want to get into that, but that's hilarious.

SPEAKER_00:

That's hey, that's that's somebody's life, man.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, that's somebody's real life, or should I say trill life. So speaking of speaking of the pressure though, like the the pressure of hosting. Now, um, I don't know if you have or not. You know, maybe you have in the past, uh, but I I know for me, I've I've had to do it a few times. And I'm talking about the pressure of hosting Thanksgiving, you know, as an adult, as an adult man, like as someone that, you know, you have your own apartment, you have your own home, whatever the case is, and and you're hosting. Have you ever had to have the pressure of Thanksgiving being at your house?

SPEAKER_00:

Or uh yeah, but we didn't really, we kind of, it was just kind of like uh just us type of thing. So we didn't really have any guests, but you know, us as you know, just as a family, we we did that. But nah, I I can't say I really hosted uh, you know, a Thanksgiving where the folks come over. And that's definitely something I would I would know. I'm looking forward to doing though, for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. You you know, um I would say not last year, but the year before, I did host. Uh, you know, I hosted at the spot. Uh everybody came through, you know, with the dishes and stuff like that. Now I'm trying to think, what did I actually provide? You know what? I actually had the turkey. Okay. I I didn't cook the turkey. I did have a friend put it together, you know, rhyme it and and uh you know roast it for me. So I did provide the turkey and everybody else, you know, brought a dish. So it was a it was a success, man. You know. And it was just me though. It was it was me, man. And I had, you know, your grandparents there, um aunts and uh uncle. And uh it was a good time, man. You know, I would say the biggest part is um just having enough food, you know, and then you know, kind of being able to facilitate to where um everybody has a place, a place to eat. So, you know, I think that's big. It's it's almost like, okay, if you got a one-bedroom apartment, you can't have you know 20 people there. No, you know, um some people will have to be outside. So hopefully you have, you know, some amenities to where you can facilitate that. But I think that's the I think that's the biggest pressure, man, is just having enough space. And I'm saying that as a grown man. That's all we're talking about from a father and son uh perspective, man. I think subconsciously, you know, we're like, you know, I want enough space where everybody's comfortable.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think that that definitely would be the main, you know, that's that's the main thing. Because I know during Thanksgiving, you know, I'm at my full spot. Yeah, you might have to pull a fold-out chair somewhere and figure it out. You know what I mean? You definitely, the space is like the number one concern.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, man. Uh that's for sure. Um, so you know, thinking about like some of the etiquettes, uh, and this is always a funny, uh, this is always gonna be a funny chapter of uh conversation. Like, what are some of the etiquette things, man, that comes to mind? Uh I'll go first. Like, I think um bringing or bringing a to-go play or taking a to go spot, uh uh, you know, uh when when you ain't bring nothing. Oh right? Just you know, getting you a plate to go. Now I understand sometimes there's so much food and you know that you're not gonna be able to get all the food, one person, whoever's hosting. But man, so how do you feel about, you know, or do you even care? Because you you might be one of those guys, Jay.

SPEAKER_00:

You wanna go plate with you? No, I think you, you know, you definitely gotta, that's that's that's a part of etiquette. Like you just don't, just don't go, man. You gotta be offered something like that. Like you wait until you know what I'm saying, everybody in the eight, and then okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, what's left?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, yeah. Like what's what's left? You can't you can't just go go in like that, man. Somebody gonna say something to you. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, hey, I don't even care because you know I'm from around the way.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm leaving with something.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm leaving with something.

SPEAKER_00:

Nah, that is good. I think I think another one is though, Thanksgiving. If you if you bring in a guest, you know what I'm saying? That that the fam don't really know like that, right? You can't just let them walk in with no introduction, you know, getting their plate and stuff like that. Nah, you got to you got to make your rounds.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, how you doing? This is this is such and such. Like, okay. Because you can't just be all up in the crib during Thanksgiving eating, and you ain't speak to nobody.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my God, man. That's that's tough, man. That that's tough. Uh I want to address that, but I want to keep talking about the etiquette. But man, we're gonna have to put a pen in that because I do want to talk about you know, inviting a new guest. You know, I just want to talk about a homeboy or homegirl, because that's that comes without saying, right? But dang, if you if you bring a new boo, oh boy. Hey, but listen, let's finish the let's finish the etiquette. Uh, I'll I'll go next. Uh I think um arriving on time.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_02:

Talked a little bit about that earlier, because you know, nowadays folks are like, okay, when the food is gonna be ready, you know, and then they want to time it versus actually getting there, spending some time with the family, you know, meet and greet, and repeat. But, you know, a lot of times folks are trying to time when the food will be ready, man. So I think arriving, you know, on time, like when he was invited, and that's what I would say. Like if you're invited to to come at one o'clock, regardless of when the food is ready, man. Come at one o'clock. There's a reason why people set the time.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Respect the time.

SPEAKER_02:

Respect the time, man. Uh what can we add? Uh cleaning up.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, definitely. You know, but but you know that to me, I feel like that was always the youngest time to shine. You know what I'm saying? This this time for y'all. Y'all been running around playing. Yeah, it's it's the cleanup crew. Designated cleanup crew, man.

SPEAKER_02:

That is a good point. That that is the time to shine for sure. Like, you know, get on your best behavior and don't have your handout at the end of the evening, though, either. Right. You're gonna get paid because you it's not like you was cooking. No, you damn sure ain't buying no groceries.

SPEAKER_00:

But you ate good though.

SPEAKER_02:

Ate good, probably took a nap or was at least drowsy for the evening. You had the itis and all that. So, you know, kids, it's it's time for you to clean up. It's time for you to contribute the best way you can. No doubt. Oh man, you know, uh just just thinking about those times, man, uh, of uh of opportunity to spend time, you know. Um the elders, the uh, you know, the new generation, and you know, just kind of having that time to connect. You know, I think that that's when the generations can connect, and that's some of the most important time for the youth to be able to get that knowledge and wisdom and hear different stories from uh your lineage. How do you feel about that, Jay? How important do you think that is when you start talking about you know the roles of the youth, the the roles of the elders?

SPEAKER_00:

You know, you know, thinking back, there's and I and I hate to say it, I do feel like I missed out on some wisdom because I just didn't realize how important um you know the time is just to kind of to get a better understanding of family, of the uh the lineage, like you said. Um ask questions, you know, ask this is the perfect time to ask questions of um, you know, uh of your parents, your your grandparents, your cousins, learn your different sides of the family, you know what I mean, because it's almost um, you know, this this is like a many mini family family reunion um in a uh um you know a different way to look at it. So definitely important to take this time to ask questions because the thing about it is you you get older, time you know goes goes on, and then you know, unfortunately you you lose the different family members and things like that. And you know, some of that some of that is lost because that information isn't passed down. So um it's it's it's it's so important to just get. And that that type of understanding. Those those stories will live with you. You know, we I still remember, you know, stories that I heard from my childhood. Some funny, you know, some, you know, may you may learn some family secrets that you didn't know. Some things, some things, you know, some things get said, but um, you know, it's it's it's all in good faith, and it's all just about those moments and those memories. Moments and memories so important.

SPEAKER_02:

Facts, man. Facts on facts. You know, uh, you know, when I think about it, as my parents are uh much older, uh, I just think about some of the things I want to make sure that I do, you know, as you and your sisters, you know, get older and and experience things in life, you know, I want to be able to have, you know, the holiday vacations with everyone and, you know, uh holiday dinners and things like that, you know, because people get spread out as uh as their life, you know, goes on. So people from different uh you know, different states and some may travel abroad and have to come back, you know, to the country to spend some time with family. And you want to stay and keep that you know connectivity, you know, in the family tree. And so I think that's important because again, you know, those are those are things that you can never get back. You can never get back time. You can make it up with money, uh, you know, you can make it up with things, you know, those things can be replaced, but time is something that you can't get back. So I think that that is important, man. And just just getting that wisdom, the legacy, because you're a part of legacy, right? You you have to think about it in this way. You know, our elders, that's something that they get a chance to remember. You know, I had a chance to see my great-grandkids, and I had a chance to spend time, you know, not only with my son, but my son's son and my son's son's son, son. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's powerful.

SPEAKER_02:

Those those go a long way on on both ends of the spectrum. So we have to keep that in mind and uh and just keep those stories. Because you think about it, Jay. What where is a lot of people getting their information from nowadays?

SPEAKER_00:

Man, sources, though, the internet social.

SPEAKER_02:

The internet, man. The center net. How about that?

SPEAKER_00:

Can we like that? That's a good one, right?

SPEAKER_02:

The center net, center net, man. So, you know, uh being able to have that direct access, you know, to family members in the family tree, because a lot of times, you know, people have to read about it or they have to hear stories that, you know, your great-granddad was uh uh you know a chief in the in the uh military and was able to do this and do that, and and you your grandma, she was able to you know accomplish these things and and you know show showed us how to you know be a mother and a businesswoman, you know, and a caretaker and have you know their own career. So these are things, man, that you want to be able to have direct access uh with that, man. And I think that's powerful. But look, but before we wrap this thing up, I want to talk about bringing a new boo to your Thanksgiving, your family Thanksgiving day. Now, Jay, let's navigate this here real quick, man. We we got about two minutes just to navigate it.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_02:

So, so for you, just go ahead and run through uh if you do it, right? Well, first of all, do you recommend it? And then number two, if you do it, please follow these instructions.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Definitely do it. Do I recommend it? Hey, man, that's gonna that's definitely gonna be a personal call. You know your family the best, right? You know what the outcome will be, right? I know you've seen at least one example growing up of somebody in the fam that brought somebody, and and you know what happened. So I'll let you make that judgment, but I will say definitely some steps you need to take is you gotta go with a uh debriefing. You gotta you gotta debrief your significant on how your family do, what to expect, and how and and the proper etiquette. Because you don't want to have them out there looking crazy and giving your fam reasons, you know what I'm saying, to uh okay. Nah, she can't come back. Nah, you can't bring him back. That's the last thing you want, you know. But get him that debrief, and I definitely say is number one. Just let them know. What about you, Paul?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, uh that's good, man. I'm gonna say, don't do it. I'm gonna say not to do it. Um, this is what I recommend. This is the reason behind it. Depending on what you have going on or what you had going on, and your family knows about it, family members are gonna find a way to get that new boo one-on-one, right? And they're gonna ask questions you don't want them to ask, or your new boo might have some loose lips that will sink ships. You understand? So they may, they may give like a timeline of when you guys started dating and hanging out, and you don't you don't want you don't want them divulging that the family members because you know they they may not always have your back. And then you got them family members that do too much, right? You got the family members that's gonna say stuff without even thinking and you know, say something like, well, you know, last year, you know, uh sh he brought somebody and we was like, you know what I mean? Yeah, you you just never know, but like you said, man, you know um your family members, and but at the same time, you can't control. You can't control what they're gonna do. You can't control you can't control what they're gonna do, right? So I would say do not bring a new boo to the holidays unless you guys have something established, and unless you had already made an introduction so that you can have somebody that's gonna have you back this day. Right, right. So in case they need to run some type of interference or whatever, you know, but you got somebody on your side that's gonna make sure that things don't go too far left. But you know, all off-rip, do not bring a brand new boo to your family holiday uh dinner. Now, if you guys are going to an event somewhere or going to hang, yeah, do it. But your family members, man, nah, nah, man.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's tough.

SPEAKER_02:

Don't don't do that. Don't don't be very cautious because then the last thing that I'll say is you never know if if they still like the old boo. Look, and then somebody not even knowing may be like, oh ra, what happened? What happened to you and uh and Melissa? Oh, look. They don't even know that your new boo downstairs, you know, uh uh having some uh sweet potato pie.

SPEAKER_00:

Now you got some explaining to do. That family got preferences, man. The family has preferences.

SPEAKER_02:

Hey, look, man, you guys know what to do, and now you heard it voiced from the favorite Pops and Son duo. Look, we uh appreciate you guys. We always love your comments and we thank you for your feedback, all the love you've shown us uh throughout our time of not only putting this podcast together, but just our branding of Pops and Son conversations. So before we go, big shout out to uh Love from Afar. Uh Javen and I, we just was able to participate in uh the uh Broken Crowns Still Color, Youth Safety and Mental Health Summit. Jay, just 30 seconds of what that experience was like.

SPEAKER_00:

Uh the experience was extraordinary. Um Dr. Cynthia Williams put on um, you know, just like a masterclass and you know, teaching um young kids really how to manage um, you know, the the the consequences and and grief and decision making, just everything just wrapped up into one. Um I personally witness uh the kids there, you know, leaving with a with with uh a greater sense of understanding of the gravity that a mistake can can can uh be towards a family member or somebody you don't know or yourself. You know, life has consequences. Um but uh overall it was good. Got to speak on the panel, um got to uh speak with some other some young men and just kind of see like where the where the youth is today. And I gotta say that I actually was um impressed. You know, there's a bad image, there's a bad rap that we get as young black men, but um I definitely learned that even even though we have to fight through that stigma, we are young, we are self-aware, and we understand what we're up against and how to combat that as well. So extraordinary event. Very happy that uh I got to be a part of that.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and you did a phenomenal job uh as you know navigated just the the entire summit speaking with the you, uh sharing your thoughts on the panel and even helping your pops out, man, with with a lot of the things that that I was uh blessed to be able to do. I hosted the red carpet, interviewed some amazing individuals uh on the panel as well. And it, you know, we love partnering with Dr. Cynthia Williams. So big shout out to Dr. Cynthia Williams, uh the CEO founder from uh Love from Afar Foundation, which actually is uh she put that together because her son passed away some time ago from uh a driver that was distracted. And so it's a whole entire movement. Uh we'll definitely have uh Dr. Cynthia on uh one of these podcast episodes so that she can kind of talk about that because it's something that not only you know uh mothers go through, but fathers uh go through as well when we start talking about how our children has uh been affected through through different challenges in this world. So, you know, that being said, big shout out to everybody. We thank you guys for your support and uh happy Thanksgiving, happy family day, and uh we love you guys. So uh of course, as always, much love. Thank you, Pops and Sun Conversations, your favorite silver fox, Rob Malloyd.

SPEAKER_00:

All right, it's fun, and we are checking out.

SPEAKER_01:

See you next time.

Head Shot

Javan Anderson

Co-host
Head Shot

Rob Malloy

Co-host