A Father And Son On Marriage Values

Marriage can be the strongest structure in a family or the most confusing source of tension, and the difference often comes down to alignment. We sit down as Pops and Sun and get honest about what marriage can provide when it’s healthy: stability, emotional safety, and a clear foundation that kids naturally copy. We also talk about what happens when people build life in reverse order, like moving in together, having children, and only later thinking about commitment, and why that can quietly turn love into obligation.

We dig into how the “divorce rate” narrative spreads online, especially in communities of color, and why that story can drown out the reality that many couples are thriving. From our perspective, unity in a household is not just a romantic idea. It’s practical parenting. When parents aren’t aligned, kids feel the uncertainty and start testing limits because the rules and signals don’t match. We break down what alignment looks like in real life: shared goals, compatible lifestyles, communication, emotional support, and the willingness to grow together over time.

We also make space for the hard truth that not every marriage is a healthy environment. Conflict, neglect, and unresolved tension have real impact, and that’s why “why get married” matters as much as “when.” We close with a simple challenge: block out the outside noise, lock in with your person, and commit to the commitment while you build a legacy that lasts. If this conversation hits home, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

You can advertise with PNS today

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Welcome to another great episode of Pops and Sun Conversations. As always, it is your favorite Silver Fox Rob Malloy.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

And his son here, aka Tech Three Times. And here we are. What's up, Jay? What's up, man? What's up, Pops? I'm good. How you feeling?

SPEAKER_01 0:25

I'm feeling good. You know, um, you know, we're still in April, and um, you know, they say uh April showers brings May flowers. You remember that?

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

So we gon we gonna make it rain today. We're gonna make it rain on some really, really good topics, uh, subjects, information perspective. You know, so we always appreciate the suggestions from our audience, and so we have been commissioned, if you will, to discuss marriage and divorce and how that affects the family dynamic from the perspective of a father and son. So uh we're gonna have to give the people what they want, Jay.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Yeah,

Welcome And Why This Topic

SPEAKER_00 1:17

yeah. I mean, that's what we do, right? That's what we do. That's what we do.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Oh man, so it it can get a little tricky when you have this conversation because I don't want people to lean to the left or the right, because this is just about perspective. If you you know desire to be married, um, by all means, you know, um find your person and go live happily ever after and give it your all, man, because I believe the sanction of marriage, I believe in the covenant between man, woman, and God. And uh also feel like, you know, we're not here to uh live this this life and this journey alone, Jay. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Nah, I'm I 100% agree with you. I always say uh, you know, one is the loneliest number you can do. And nobody wants to be alone. I mean, that's just it's not even in our nature, you know. We we we're built to to be social. We're built to be in

Why Marriage Still Matters

SPEAKER_00 2:20

groups, we're built to be with other people. So yeah, no, I'm I'm super for marriage. Um you know, I hold it in very high regard. Um I know I'm kind of going to get into it, but let's do it. Um, yeah, so yeah, I you know, I I I hold marriage so high because from my perspective, I've only seen good things come from marriage, right? So when I when I think about it, um, and of course I'm talking about like functioning, healthy marriage, but when I think about it, I just think about like the the foundation, right? And and not just the the find foundation between you know two people, but when you start that family too, the child gets involved. So I think one of the greatest gifts and one of the greatest things that that that marriage does is sets a really nice foundation for the children, right? Yeah, people talk about it all the time. Like the children's they they mimic what they see, they mimic that they're going to do um, you know, what what they see in the household.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

So with marriage, you had an opportunity to set that foundation for your child and and and kind of mold them into how they're going to relate with other humans in relationships and all that stuff, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Man, that's that's huge uh factors because uh you want to take those things in consideration uh when marrying and then when creating a family. I think one of the biggest challenges, Jay, is a lot of folks do it backwards. Oh yeah. You know, they have the children, um, they uh maybe move in together and they they build all this uh all these things together, and they haven't made that commitment of marriage. And so sometimes that turns into like an obligation, or sometimes it turns into an aggravation if time has passed, you know, and that's kind of how they came up with this common law marriage when folks is just together, yeah. Uh, you know, without the law of the land. So, you know, we'll we'll we'll definitely you know jump into that briefly, but I want to cover a lot of different points. And uh you you were alluding to the structure, and I think that that's so important because having that foundation, uh, as you mentioned, is so important because kids will grow up and and mimic what they've seen. And so if you know uh baby boy, baby girl doesn't see uh you know uh dad calling mom

Doing It Backwards And Common Law

SPEAKER_01 5:06

wife and wife calling you know dad hubby and things like that, man, they may, you know, think that you know it's okay to just you know move in together and and and this type of thing. And you know, obviously it works differently with every household, but at least the structure and foundation can give them uh some solid ideals when it comes to uh you know what folks do when they're grown up.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Exactly. Exactly. So it's like those patterns, right? Those patterns kind of act like invisible lessons for the child and ultimately is gonna shape their worldview. So I think about this. When I look at my, when I look at my circle of friends, all my like my homies that I call my A1, day ones, I done known for a decade. We went to college together, we've been rolled. Yeah, all of them come from two parent households.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:01

So I saw, and and of course I know their parents as well, um, but I saw firsthand like what that looks like. Though how those patterns shapes their their worldview. It's evident um in just how they how they act. Like it's reflected in them through their actions, through the conversations we've had, yeah. Uh for for the choices they made. I got a homie that's um my boy Braxton. His parents are a lot older. Yeah. And um, like you said, they they did it the right way, got married first, um, and then they had all their kids, but um, they're a lot older, and he's

Two Parent Homes And Learned Patterns

SPEAKER_00 6:43

the he's like the baby boy. So I watch him and you know we joke with him, like, man, Braxton, when you gonna, you know, when you gonna have a kid? Because we all got kids. Um, two, two of them are married. Um my one of my homies just had his uh baby boy. He's not married yet. Okay. But uh yeah, we all got kids. And so we poke fun at Braxton, but in reality, I know that he's not focused on that because he's building his found, like he's building him, and he wants to find somebody and get married. The same way his parents did it. You know what I'm saying? So yeah, yeah, for sure. For all the things that we poke fun of him, you know, um I'm super proud of him because um he's doing it that way. But again, he had he grew up in that. Like he had that um that predictability, that that consistency growing up and seeing that, that emotional safety that allowed him to kind of make um not saying that, you know, not having that is gonna make you cause bad decisions, but you know, it's it's it's a bit more of like a boost. Like it gives you that that that mindset. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Yeah, yeah, I like that. You know, and it's really encouraging with, you know, you and your, you know, your friends and things like that, just to have that mentality because obviously with social media, obviously with with the narrative out there, and even in our communities as people of color, you know, they talk about the divorce rate so much. And it doesn't necessarily apply to every age group. It doesn't necessarily apply to each community. Each one of us have, you know, um uh different numbers and percentages, but most important, I want to, you know, uh shed some light to the influence. You know, um there's plenty of us that believe in marriage, there's plenty of people that are married, and uh, you know, people are getting married and engaged and thriving in relationships, heading towards marriage every single day. And that narrative is definitely not being pushed, especially in our communities, especially in uh social media. And uh, you know, I think that's unfortunate, but you know, I do want to move on because I want to talk about uh just alignment, like what you were saying, uh, you know, unity and alignment, you know, uh, and

Divorce Rate Narratives And Social Media

SPEAKER_01 9:00

and and parents encouraging you know marriage, and sometimes uh it doesn't work out for every family, but just to instill that structure and let them know hey, if you love someone, if you care, and you want to continue to build together and you want to continue to grow together and develop together, then you know you really lock in. And things are different nowadays, but I think in a great way, because you know, we have so many opportunities for success financially, physically, we have technology uh working for us, and so it's it's almost like whatever you want to create with your person, if you guys are locked in, man, you can do it. So it's it's no more uh okay, I want my wife barefoot and pregnant, and then I gotta go out here and bust my butt, you know, for 40 years, 30 years, and bring home this check, and then we don't have this lifestyle that we want. And and uh so it doesn't have to be that way. So talk a little bit about the importance of uh unity and alignment in in today's modern world, Jay.

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Yeah, so it's funny that word alignment is I talked about this on the last pod. I mean, it's it's just so important, and that's why it continues to come up because it's one of those key words that you always want to keep at the forefront of your brand, just being aligned, being aligned with yourself, being aligned with your partner. Because uh, when the alignment is missing, that's when things start to contradict and it starts to kind of operate on on a different scale. So for me, I think in in marriage alignment, I mean, that's gonna bring you it, I think that's the easiest way to bring the the greatest fruits of your marriage because being in sync with your partner, um, it all it always trickles down and I always bring it back to the children because that's just like my POV, I think is so important. Like um, like I said, the when when the alignment is there, it it sets the stage,

Unity And Alignment In Modern Life

SPEAKER_00 11:09

it, it, it, it gets all of the confusion out. Right. So when it's missing, though, that's when you start to see, like, okay, for instance, like you, that's that's when you're when your child might start like testing limits, right? Or either playing one side against the other as far as like in the marriage and under the under the household. And this don't come from like the kid trying to be a manipulative or something. They're just uncertain about things because stuff isn't aligned. There's no stability, there's no stability. So, you know, you're almost acting as if like they don't even know any better. Yeah. So um, yeah, I think it's so important. I think marriage and the alignment recognizes um like that that healthy environment. You know what I'm saying? So but when we but I'm gonna go on here just a little bit because Yeah, go ahead. There's an opposite side of that too, right? So we we talk about you know, marriage and everything, and you know, of course, how great it is, but the the truth about it is that not every marriage is that healthy environment that we talk about, right? So some marriages and households are filled with with conflict. There is emotional neglect, there is tension, you know what I'm saying, in in different rooms and things like that, unresolved tension. Um, and I think that, you know, of course, has an effect on the kid, but I think it's one of those things that we have to think about how communication and um ultimately emotional support uh can kind of help with that with that type of stuff. But um, yeah, I know I'm I'm I'm going. No, that's good. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah. Yeah, that's good because these are things that are true factors that not everybody is willing to be transparent about. And so, you know, um that that brings the the actual point of you know, why get married?

When Marriage Is Not Healthy

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Oh, yeah. Like why are you getting married? And that's something that I can I can speak on truthfully because uh I got married at 21. I got married at 21, you know, my parents uh at that point, I don't know, been married for I don't know, 20, 20 years or something like that. And so seeing them being married, I just felt like that was the right thing to do. You know, um, again, find your person if you guys are in alignment. Um, but back then, of course, at 21, I didn't really understand what love was about. I had no clue what being a husband was, and yeah, it's a huge responsibility. So I think that nowadays you have to take in accountability that it's gonna be it's gonna take more than love. You just love a person, you know, that's cool. All right. But if you if you're thinking longevity, then you're you have to be uh we talked about alignment, but I think you also have to have a complementary um lifestyle, like it has to it has to really make sense. In other words, you need to have similar goals, you need to want the same thing, want the same outcome. Because what'll

Why People Marry Too Fast

SPEAKER_01 14:23

happen is, you know, you'll fall in love, you may even have some kids, and then you may get married, but you still don't even know that person, right? And so that happens so many times where they say, Well, I just fell out of love or we grew apart, and that's because you ain't known them in the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:41

And if you know them in the beginning, then you understand that it's gonna be a journey, and that there's no huge rush. If you look at marriage as a lifetime thing, right? Uh, a lot of times people get into it and they're like, if things don't work, I get an annulment in three to six months. If things don't work out, then you know, I just I'll just divorce them. You know, the divorce rate is high anyway, so it is what it is, and I'll find someone else. And I think that's the mentality that is hurting our generations in our communities because they feel like if things don't work out, I got a backup plan, you know, plan B, C, D, all the way down to the to the letter Z.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yeah. Yeah, and it's that's really unfortunate because, you know, the evidence will show, I'm sure, that that's just not healthy for for your psyche, for your mental.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

You know, of course, we all want the ideal situation. Um, but like you said, I think it takes just knowing your partner and really being careful before you like not rushing into anything. And I think a lot of times we do that because of society and and pressures from families and all these different types of things. But, you know, and nobody has to be told this, but it's your life. You know what I mean? So you have to live it for you. But marriage is just, it's, it's, it's so, it's so complicated. I and I'm not gonna lie, you know, I almost don't even feel that like as the days go by, sometimes I feel different about marriage, just based on, you know, different conversations. I've overheard things, but you know, I still try to keep my mindset on it, but you know, it's it gets tricky and it's complicated because, like you said, like there's a there's just a lot that that goes into and you really gotta be solid in your in your worldview and your mindset before you before you enter that pat.

SPEAKER_01 16:37

Yeah, man, that's good. You know, uh as we wrap up, I I want to make mention the importance of of locking in with your person because you literally will have to drown out the noise to make the marriage work. I know that that may be some weird advice, um, but you literally have to drown out the noise and lock in as a unit. And because think about it, your your spouse, your partner, your life partner is gonna be the one to have your back, right? That's gonna be the one that you have to trust the most, that's the one that you're gonna have to invest in the most, and really just be committed to that commitment. So if you think about the commitment versus that person, because if you if you put all your your um your ideas and and your hope and your belief and everything in that person, naturally they're gonna let you down at some point, meaning they're gonna hurt your feelings, you're not gonna like what they said, you're not gonna like what they do, and that's just natural, that's just life period, right? So if you don't look at that at your person as somebody who is perfect

Lock In And Commit To Commitment

SPEAKER_01 17:46

and flawless versus the perfect match for who you are, man, you can you can do some things, and and really I think that's kind of what marriage is about. It's about being able to elevate as one, two people as one, being able to elevate and do things, you know. You get to um be transparent with that person, you know. You share your flaws, they see your flaws, they see your imperfections, and they love you beyond that. And most importantly, it's about that legacy. I think marriage can also be associated with legacy, right? Yeah, and I want to say this also, and this is kind of a cheat code, Jay. I I think that marriage is more beneficial for a man than a woman.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Oh really?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

I think it's more beneficial than a man than a woman, but I do think divorce is more beneficial to a woman than a man. And let me just say this before we wrap because marriage for a woman means absolutely everything, right? So she she's going to give up almost everything, and I ain't just talking about, you know, the the thing thing. I'm also talking about, you know, she's going to believe, she's gonna exhaust all her resources, like she even gonna finesse for you as a wife. I'm gonna go ahead and say it, man. She's going to finesse things around you just to just to make sure that the household, you know, is intact. And uh that's a beauty because uh uh a lot of guys out here lack leadership skills, right? They they lack uh you know different

Legacy Plus Hard Truths On Divorce

SPEAKER_01 19:31

gifts and talents that a woman can cover for a man, you know what I mean? Whether it be stuff like putting a resume, whether it be dressing, whether it be you know business stuff, like women automatically just kind of come with that education, that that nurturing, and uh and they're all about pushing that vision. So on them, they have to they have to marry a man that has vision. If they don't marry a man that doesn't have vision, that's on them, right? Because that's that's you you can't create a vision for a man. And I think a lot of women feel like they can, but he has to already have that vision, and that's so so that's really important about how that works. And um, you know, uh I love this conversation. Is there any last thing that you would encourage, especially your generation, other generations, about marriage?

SPEAKER_00 20:19

I I definitely would say, like kind of like what you said, but just on a personal level, just block out all the noise. Like, definitely do that once you're married, but also before that. Like try not to let because a lot of people feel a certain type of way about marriage, and they will, you know, try to instill that in you or or try to project that on you for whatever reason. But like anything you experience in life, you won't have a real grasp of it until you go through it for yourself and form your own opinion. Like everybody's reality isn't yours. So um, yeah, I would say just don't let the outside noise kind of bog your brain.

SPEAKER_01 20:59

Yeah, yeah, man. That's really good. I like that. Um, look, we uh we just dropped uh the conversation uh about marriage, how it affects the family from a uh father and son perspective. You know, you you heard what you heard. Um I think that it would be fair uh to table a little bit more this a little bit later on, um, because I do want to get into

Blocking Out Noise And Closing

SPEAKER_01 21:22

the other topic next episode. But listen, I hope you enjoyed us. Continue to drop those uh different subjects and topics, and we're gonna keep giving the people what they want. So we're signing off Pops and Sun Conversations. We'll see you guys next episode, and as always, it is your favorite silver fox Rob Malloyd. We gone.