Divorce Can Close A Marriage Without Ending A Family

Divorce can feel like a demolition, but the truth is harder and more hopeful: it can end a marriage without ending a family. I go solo for a straight, no-fluff talk about what divorce really changes, what it doesn’t, and why kids are the reason we have to stop treating separation like the finish line. If you’ve been triggered by divorce conversations before, consider this a calmer, clearer space to think and plan instead of react.

I share my own experience being married twice and divorced twice, including what I learned about entering marriage without being truly prepared, and what it takes to build a blended family with real intention. We dig into the foundations people skip: alignment, purpose, lifestyle, and the willingness to create a new household entity together. I also unpack why “cheating” isn’t always the best explanation for divorce and why I believe disloyalty, built through secrecy, mistrust, and lack of vulnerability, is often the deeper root.

From there, we talk communication and co-parenting in plain language. Talking isn’t the same as communicating, silence isn’t always avoidance, and kids notice far more than adults want to admit. Whether your child is three or thirty, they read emotions, patterns, and tension before they ever ask a question. The big takeaway is simple and serious: divorce is a new chapter, and it demands accountability, healthier choices, and long-term responsibility to your children and the person you co-parent with.

If this helped you rethink divorce, co-parenting, or life after divorce, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the conversation.

You can advertise with PNS today

Transcript

Why Divorce Still Needs Talking

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Welcome to another amazing episode of Pops and Sun Conversations. And it is your favorite Silver Fox flying solo today. So big shout out to the Sun, Mr. Check Three Times Javen. Uh, I wanted to put an episode together for you guys that we can really have a straight up mono to millions uh conversation. And so today's episode, we're talking about divorce. And the title is Divorce is not the end of the family. I'll say it again. Divorce is not the end of the family. And so, look, you guys already know what I do, what I stand for when it comes to uh life after divorce, thriving after divorce, successful after divorce. And I want to spend a little bit of time today with you guys to kind of talk about from A to, I don't know, maybe A through M, uh, about divorce, uh, the effects of it from a father's standpoint, uh, from a son's standpoint, and really just kind of giving you guys some of the nuts and bolts of this whole navigation of divorce and life after divorce. And so um let's simmer down a little bit because I know that this topic can be a little exhilarating, it can be exciting, it can be um even triggering for some folks. I'm gonna keep it real with you. Sometimes folks can get triggered when you start talking about divorce. But I think it's very necessary to have these conversations, especially uh when children are involved. And it doesn't really matter the age, they can be, you know, one year old, they can be 15 years old, or anywhere in between, but you have to have these conversations, and preferably you want to be comfortable having these conversations. So you don't necessarily have to be a divorcee, someone contemplating divorce or anything like that, because divorce affects everybody different ways. And you can be affected from a family member's experience, uh, maybe your personal past, maybe your siblings, your parents, I don't know, whatever the situation is, we all have had some type of degree to uh uh being close to a divorce situation, okay, whether it's directly or indirectly. All right, so let's do this. Um, I'll tell you guys a little bit about me and my experience as we navigate through this episode. Um, I have been married twice, I've been divorced twice. Uh I got married at an early age, got married at 21, thought I knew what I was doing. Uh, apparently I didn't. And and I would I would be honest, I'll be honest with you guys. I wasn't prepared to be a husband. I would say that is the biggest downfall. It's not being prepared to be a husband or not being prepared to be a wife because there's a lot of responsibility there. And if that's not something that you're prepared for or willing to work towards, you gotta struggle. Guarantee. So uh I gave it a shot at 21, married for five years, uh, tried it again at 30 years old, was married for eight years. Now, the second time around, unlike the song with the bell and all that stuff, you know,

Two Marriages And A Blended Family

SPEAKER_00 3:40

for me, uh, I wanted to get married because number one, I wanted to establish a family, uh a representation of a family for my kids. And so I was like, you know what? I'm a single guy, been single for a while, but I got all these damn kids. And so I need to give them uh, you know, uh some type of representation of what a family should look like, whether it's blended uh or whatever the case is. And so for me, I did get married. Uh, she actually had uh children herself. So together, together, we had a basketball team and a sixth man, right? So even with that type of situation, you really have to prepare yourself. Uh, just knowing that there's a lot of personalities, there's a there's a lot of responsibility, and you're creating a brand new household. So it doesn't matter what you've been doing the last 15, 20 years, or what your uh spouse or or new companion has done for their last 10, 15 years, once you come together, you have to create a separate new entity. And if I can give anybody any type of uh advice or encouragement or just to admonish, admonish, I would say be prepared to create a new and separate entity. Um, I I think when we start talking about divorce, a lot of people are so uncomfortable just because uh uh numerous things. I would say that social media has definitely painted a heavy picture on uh what divorce may look like, um how ugly it can be, uh, you know, and just uh the aftermath of what can happen in divorce. So it kind of scares folks, even to getting married, to be honest with you. A lot of folks are literally not getting married because they're afraid of divorce. But I want to talk about this in a sense of the beginning part, right? So obviously, before you can divorce, you're what you're married. So so I want to talk a little bit about you know the importance of marriage, uh, the importance of choosing a partner that's uh aligned, choosing a partner that is uh complementary to your life, your lifestyle, choosing a partner that is is gonna help you, like literally help you get to the next level. Now, that doesn't always mean money, right? A lot of times that can just be an experience, it could be support, it could be someone who is knowledgeable and literally willing, willing to build with you. Now, so when you think about when you chose your partner, whether that was 10, 15, 20 years ago or a couple of years ago, you wasn't necessarily thinking about that, all right? You you weren't really thinking if they was in alignment to to your purpose or you're in alignment with their purpose. You probably was thinking, okay, uh, somebody that doesn't cheat. Yeah, I said it. That's usually one of the number one things that people look at when finding a spot, somebody that will not cheat.

Marriage Readiness And Real Alignment

SPEAKER_00 7:00

And here's what's wild about that is when you're looking for specific things like that, you literally overlook a lot of other things. And so when you start talking about infidelity, uh abuse, uh, and just you know, someone with bad habits and things like that, that's because you are choosing very, very specific things. You want somebody to have a job, it's not gonna borrow money from you, right? You somebody who is is willing to um deal with you, right? Someone's willing to tolerate you. You're looking for somebody like that. Uh, you're looking for someone who uh is willing to take care of you, um, someone that is what gonna tell you the truth, and and all those things are important, and I get that, but you also have to understand are they in alignment? Because everybody that is is a good person isn't necessarily a good person for you. Can I get a witness? I need to start getting some of these sounds and stuff like that. So I'll I'm I'm gonna work on that, y'all. I'm I'm gonna work on that, and so look, um, you know, uh marriage is is sacred. Uh marriage, I feel like, uh, isn't necessarily for everyone, but everyone needs to respect what marriage is. In other words, don't play. Don't play. If you're gonna get married, be prepared for sacrifices, be prepared for compromise, be prepared for building, creating a new foundation. I don't care what your status is right now. If you're considering marriage, you have to understand that you are gonna have to build from the ground up with somebody who you can't control, someone who may or may not be 100% transparent with their situation, but willing to build with you, and you got to be willing to build with them. So when you start looking at marriage and how important it is, then you got to look at the decisions that you did make. And so, fast forward, again, people get married for different reasons. Let's just be real. Some people get married because you're having a child together, some people are forced to get married because they feel like I'm gonna lose this person, so fear of loss. Um, some people get married for the come up. Let's just keep it 100. And then again, you know, some people marry for love. Now, when I say people marry for love, I'm not necessarily saying that they're in love with that person. This is getting this is getting tight. Get your get your drinks, get your popcorn. When I say getting married and for love, I'm not talking about in love, I'm talking about to find love, to validate love, to discover what love may be, because that's not something that you always had. That's something that you're still trying to discover. That's something that you thought you were experiencing until you realize someone had an ulterior motive, and so now you're looking for quote unquote true love. Fair enough. All right, fair enough. We're gonna keep it real this episode. And I'm glad that Javen isn't here because you know what? Sometimes there's certain things that people need to experience. And what I mean by that is when you start talking about marriage, there's so many tainted folks, there's so many damaged individuals that they're putting a bad taste in people's mouth about what marriage is supposed to be, what marriage can be. And when it boils down to it, it's up to you, and it's up to the person that you're with to make it happen and create something amazing that no one can take away from you, and something that you've never had before that you get to experience with each other. Now, divorce, we're gonna jump right in, okay? Divorce happens when uh there are no more options to staying married, uh, the friendship is not there, the respect, the loyalty is no longer in place, the support is not there, and it can be a culmination of those things, it could be all of those things, or it may just be one. Um, infidelity happens, right? And you know, a lot of people like to talk about cheating, and cheating being the number one reason for divorce, and I'm gonna disagree with you. Uh, I'm gonna disagree with you. I think that the number one reason for a divorce is disloyalty, is disloyalty. Now, with disloyalty, it's a buildup of different things, it could be a buildup of of infidelity, it could be a buildup of mistrust, it could be a buildup of holding secrets, it could be a buildup of never being truly vulnerable and open about who

Disloyalty As The Root Cause

SPEAKER_00 12:00

you are to your core. These are things that are a buildup to disloyalty because guess what? You're no longer loyal or confiding in your partner, and if you're not doing that with your partner, you're damn sure doing it somewhere else, you're doing it somewhere else, and you guys know how I feel. Man, I feel like women are the most amazing creations that we have, right? That we've ever had that God has given us. But women love to talk. There is no exception to the rule. Ladies, y'all love to talk. And the reason why I'm saying that you love to talk is because sometimes just talking at a person is misconstrued as being a good communicator. Voice microphone. This microphone is on fire. Sometimes talking or being able to talk, being able to even articulate what you have to say, what's on your mind, and how to express yourself is misconstrued as being a good communicator. Because guess what? Sometimes communication is nonverbal. I hope you got your pens and pads out because I'm not playing with you guys. And this is a side that Javen has to listen to and see, because again, this is not a conversation that we typically have on pops and sun conversations, but it's a very necessary one. So, Jay, I know you're listening. Hopefully, you're writing notes, because uh we get into it. So, again, uh women like to talk. That's the easy way to segue and get right back to the point. And so a lot of times it's uh being misconstrued as great communication or good communication, and so uh, but it's not. So you really have to understand your partner, you really have to get to know your partner, you you really have to trust your partner in the way that they communicate. Men are very good at non-verbal communication, right? It's not always shutting down, it's nonverbal communication, right? The the the reason he is holding his tongue is because he doesn't want to say something that's going to hurt her emotionally, and now you can't have a productive, progressive conversation because emotions are on a high. And so he may hold back on certain words, he may uh hold back on certain statements only because he wants to find better ways to be able to communicate that, more effective ways on how to express that. So sometimes, ladies, when you're not getting that answer that you want, and you're like, Are you listening to me? I'm talking to you, and you got your head side to side, your fingers up, your pinkies, all that stuff. The man is actually thinking, men are very analytical creatures, right? We we try not to be uh emotionally driven when we respond, we try not to be emotionally driven when we express ourselves. And so those are things that we really, really got to look at. And we need to look at these things on the early stages, the early stages. And I say that these things are important during the dating, during the courting, and even the engagement process. Even the engagement process. Now, look, y'all, um, I got a whole list of things that I want to talk about, but right now it's really just kind of it's coming from the hip because I want y'all to truly understand how we got to where we are. We like to talk about the the the end result, right? We like to talk about when when the the demolition is done. We like to talk about when things have crumbled, but we don't want to get down to the root. And that's what it boils down to because if we get down to the root, think about a root. Think about a tree, right? You see the leaves, uh, you you see the flowers, you see the branches, everything looks amazing, right? But the root under the ground is what is stabilizing that tree. Think about it. If this tree is huge and 30 feet, 40 feet tall, 20 feet tall, what type of roots and foundation, how strong does that need to be in order to be able to keep that tree intact? Keep the tree intact. And I'm gonna tell you something even better. When you have strong

Communication Myths And Silent Signals

SPEAKER_00 16:40

roots, even when you chop that tree down, even when you the the branches are cut down, even when you get all the way down to to the core and to the stump, there is still a strong foundation, right? When people cut down trees, you know they have to they start out with the stump, right? Everybody could see the stump, but eventually, eventually they have to get even lower to remove that stump, to remove those roots, right? Because you don't you don't typically see that entire process. If you see a field and it's just a bunch of trees, and you go back three months later and it and it's it's all the way down to the ground, you don't even know the process that it took to uproot. You have to uproot the roots, and you have to do a whole completely different foundation so that you can do something different. So it went from a woods or forest to now it has uh uh it's able to grow crops or it's it you have a foundation where you can build uh different buildings, different vegetation, livestock, whatever the case is, but you got to get down to the roots, right? And so that's what we're talking about. We're talking about getting down to the roots. So look, I'm gonna fast forward because there's a couple of things that I want to make sure that we're talking about, but but without uh, I'd be remiss if I did not reiterate when we start talking about the foundation. Why did people get married? Why did you get married? Think about that. The the divorcees, listen to this. I want you to think about why you got married. Because it's gonna take some accountability. I had to take some accountability when I was thinking about number one, why I got married. And like I said, I wasn't ready to be a husband. And a lot of you ladies marry guys that wasn't ready to be a husband, but because he had your child, right? Because he was the one that was supporting you when your family wasn't supporting you, or when he was that older guy that kind of helped grow you up. Come on, y'all. He helped you become a young woman, you looked out for you, he provided for you. You figured this is the man that's supposed to be my husband. Now, I don't want to get all into this because I'm gonna need two or three episodes, and this is Pops and Sun conversation. But we're just talking about divorce. Now, divorce does not have to be the end of the family. So let me get let me get back on target. Now, when divorce happens, it's not the end of the family, right? Let's just say you have two children, you have a son and a daughter. When a man and a woman gets divorced, it's still that man's son and daughter, and it's still that woman's daughter and son. So you both still created something special, so you're still a family. And why do I say that? You're like, Rob, why are you talking about that? Because I've moved on, I've gotten married again, or now I'm single, living my best life, or I'm just, you know, navigating through uh being in a new relationship or what a relationship looks like now. The reason why it's so important to understand that you're still family is because there is a responsibility. There is still a responsibility, not only to the children. Hear me out because you've never heard this perspective before. Not only to the children, but to the person that you created that child with.

Co Parenting Responsibility After Divorce

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Now think about how important it is who you who you procreate with. You have an ongoing responsibility to take care of that child that you co-procreated. Y'all like that one? I just that was off the cuff. Co created. So when you start thinking about how you feel about that person and what they're doing and what they're not doing, and and they gotta do the kids better, and things like that, it is a huge responsibility of everybody involved. Now I know that a lot of ladies have been in situations where guys may not have wanted to be involved because they're no longer together. And guys may not uh want to be involved because that woman has either moved on or she's made him feel like I don't need you in the household, right? I got the finances, I got the resources, I got the tools, I have the tribe in the community to be a successful single person. But again, you have to start thinking bigger picture. And the reason why you should think bigger picture is the simple fact of the outcome, the outcome of the children. So now we're back to the pops and son conversations. So, what I would say to my son, what I would also say to my daughters, is be very, very mindful who you co procreate with because that is a lifetime responsibility. It's a Lifetime responsibility. And we all know that once the kids turn 18, once the kids turn 21, it's still a revolving door. They don't have to physically be in your house to have a revolving door, but it's going to be a revolving door in your pockets. It's going to be a revolving door emotionally. It's going to be a revolving door physically. It's going to be a revolving door spiritually because you have to continue to reinvest spiritually. See, that's something that we don't typically talk about because, again, it's going to cause some conviction, some self-uh, excuse me, self-accountability. It's going to do all those things. And who wants to do that? Like, who wants to really reflect on the things that they can do better? Our natural instincts as humans is to blame other folks. It started out with Adam. It started out with Eve. Did they take responsibility? No. They said the serpent made. Okay, my bad. My bad. I'm back. I'm back. And we're good. All right. So again, you know, they uh divorce is not the end of a family because you're still going to be the father. You're still going to be the mother. So again, you know, you have to find ways to get past your personal issues. You got to find ways to uh just really figure out how do I make the best of the rest of my life and my responsibilities, which are your kids. The responsibilities is those that you come in contact with and influence. And so that's why alignment, guys, is so important. And the reason why I want you guys to think about these things, and I know it's it's a little bit um, you know, patch patchwork today's episode, but it is just so much that we could talk about that I want to make sure we truly, truly understand. But let's let's break it down as I wrap this thing up. But I want to I want you to really understand and break this thing down how it affects the kids, right? Because the kids are looking at every single thing that you do. They done seen you cry, they done seen you frustrated, they seen you happy, they seen you sad, they've seen you concerned, they've seen you stressed out, right? Because you here's one funny thing about children, and it doesn't matter if they're two years old or if they're 32 years old, they pay attention, they uh pay close attention to your gestures, your emotions, and they do that before they ask questions. Your three-year-old will look at you for 10 minutes and you're balling your head off, you're crying, they'll look at you for about 10 minutes and then ask, mommy, what's wrong? Mommy, why are you sad? Daddy, what's the matter? They've already analyzed your emotions and your reactions. And in their mind, they're already computing that you're sad, that you're

What Kids Notice Before They Ask

SPEAKER_00 25:20

happy, that you're mad, that you're pissed off. Then they will ask you questions. Then they will respond if you ask them some questions. And so, what I'm saying is a lot of times the kids already know that you're about to get a divorce. They know that you're about to separate. They know that it is ugly. They know that you're sleeping in separate rooms. They know if you're in the same room, you're not sleeping in the same bed. They know that you're not talking to each other anymore on the phone, that you're texting somebody. Man, listen. Listen, I can go on and on, but at the end of the day, just understand that divorce is not the end. And it's actually a new chapter, and it's a new chapter that you have to take seriously. Once you're divorced, once the paperwork is clear, that's a whole nother episode I got to talk about at some point. When you're truly divorced and not divorce imposter syndrome, if you will. DIS, right? So uh what once you're you're in that status, please understand. Please know and understand that at that point, you have to start looking at what am I doing next? What am I going to do next? That's what you got to start looking at. What am I gonna do next? And you have to take that journey and that lifestyle very serious. And so look, I know this episode was a little bit different. I know that uh, you know, I'm I might have uh tapped on some screen doors and ripped the the little netting a little bit, but it's a it's a tough conversation that we have to continue to have and and familiarize ourselves with different stages of life that we go through. And divorce is a stage of life, it's a it's an opportunity to grieve a marriage that no longer exists, uh a chapter that you have to close, but also understand it's also an opportunity to do better than you did before. So if you decide to get married, again, take those lessons. Please don't blame it on the last person. Stop blaming the failure of a relationship on that person because part of moving forward is owning your part that you play. Part of moving forward is being accountable for your actions because honestly, that's all you have control over. That that that's all you can you can really talk about. You could talk about how things affected you, and you could talk about how things how people made you feel, but at the end of the day, you still have to talk about how you reacted or how you acted or how you ignored. Sometimes making a decision is what you did not do. Sometimes making a decision is what you did not do, and so look, I could talk about this all day long, but what I will encourage you to do is just check me out on my personal platform. That's I am Rob Malloy on everything. Rob Malloy is uh uh is is my brand, and it's something that you know I'm I'm happy to be able to talk about my personal experiences, my professional experiences. But I tell you what, successful after divorce and thriving after divorce is something

Accountability And The Next Chapter

SPEAKER_00 29:00

that I have embraced and is my calling. So thank you for the opportunity for me to share this on Pops and Son Conversations. If you missed any episode, just go back on all the platforms that you stream and catch up. But until next time, it's your favorite show, Fox Rob Malloy, and I'm also co signing my son Jave and Mr. Check three times, and we will see you guys next time. And we out.