What If Protection Is Mostly Emotional

Providing is not just paying bills, and protection is not just being tough. We sit down as Pops and Sun and get honest about what fatherhood demands when you take the job seriously: building real safety systems, thinking ahead for your family, and showing up with steadiness when you are tired, stressed, or unsure. If you have ever felt the weight of “no days off” as a dad, this conversation is for you.

We dig into how being a provider expands beyond finances into guardianship. That means emotional presence for your child, support for your partner, and the mental discipline to keep the house from drifting off balance. We also talk about how faith and spiritual grounding can hold a family together, even when everyone defines spirituality differently. The point is not perfection, it is consistency and the willingness to keep learning the parts of leadership many men were never taught.

Then the conversation turns toward the fears parents carry in public, especially when stories surface that raise hard questions about safety and accountability. We discuss the Nolan Wells case, the pain of not having clear answers, and why community matters when grief and uncertainty hit. Protection sometimes looks like demanding truth, staying informed, and holding space for families who are hurting.

If this hit home, subscribe, share this with a father who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show. What does “providing and protecting” mean in your house?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Welcome to another episode of Pops and Sun Conversations. As always, it's your favorite thrill Fox Rob Malloy.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

And it's check three times checking in.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

And here we are.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Jay, what's going on? What's going on, Pops? How you feeling?

SPEAKER_02 1:09

I'm feeling pretty good. You know, it's um one of those episodes, you know, we're we're in July now. We we got through uh a lot of interesting things going on for the first week in July. So uh man, it's it's it's a lot happening. How you feeling about things?

SPEAKER_01 1:29

I'm feeling really good, actually. You know, uh around this time, July, just reminds you of the middle of the middle of the year, kind of like a cool little checkpoint. And so um just thinking back, man. Um, yeah, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good about the year so far, and I'm feeling good about the rest of it.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Okay. Well, uh, let's go ahead and get to work because uh we have a lot to cover in a short amount of time. Uh, you know, I was thinking with so much going on in July after finishing up a month of men's health

Welcome And Midyear Check-In

SPEAKER_02 2:01

and prior to that, men's mental health. You know, things keep coming, man. So we have to stay strong, we have to stay encouraged, uh, we have to keep supporting each other, you know, as father, son, as men. So, you know, we talked about it a little bit earlier, man. Um, what what we talking about, Jay?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Yeah, let's keep it going. Let's keep it going. Um, I think today we should talk about uh providing and protecting. Providing and protecting as a father specifically, though. Put the caveat on there.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Yeah.

unknown 2:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

So, you know, we've we've we've kind of talked about this, you know, me and you have had these personal conversations about, you know, what it really means to be a provider and a protector. Um outside of it just being a a huge responsibility, one of those ones that as fathers, uh, we can't really um escape. You know what I mean? You can't really escape being a provider or or protecting. And I don't think we really want to do that. You know, I I feel like as fathers, we we step into that role graciously. We we feel no uh no qualms about it um because we know it's so important um to be that role.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

Yeah, yeah, I agree with you 100%. No days off as a provider and protector.

What Providers And Protectors Do

SPEAKER_02 3:26

And uh, you know, I want to stay on task because this subject and topic can be, you know, it can be a little off-putting, man, uh, depending on a you know, a person's plight, depending on uh, you know, their experience. I think the first thing we have to look at is kind of like what is the definition? You know, what is the definition of providing and protecting as a father? And so I'll just kind of jump in, you know, off the top of my head when I think about it, um, I think about safety, you know, making sure that uh things are put in place, that uh that the family's safe in case as a father I'm not available, you know, and and that's kind of how we have to think as protectors and providers. Like if we're not there or if we're here or if we're unavailable or we can't get to our family, like what what provisions are put in place that that will ensure that there's safety? Um what's the first thing that comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_01 4:33

Uh when I think I I mean, you know, to be honest, um the the whole provider thing, you know, I kind of had to to to really build uh my understanding because I'll say before I really just stopped like spending money, you know, just making sure that, you know, the shoes, the clothes, the food, you know, making sure that everything as far as that is uh is good. But now I think it's just a little bit, a little bit more nuanced in that. Like it's not just the financial stuff, it's um kind of being like a like a guardian. You know what I mean? So in all aspects, just kind of making sure uh even if it's like on the emotional level, you know, as far as like, you know, I'm talking about my son, of course, like just making sure he's um emotionally stable, you know, if he's got anything that's bothering him, um being uh uh a source, you know what I mean, that he could come to whenever he is uh maybe frantic or confused or whatever that is. So yeah, I feel like it's like guardianship. I don't know

Beyond Money, Real Guardianship

SPEAKER_01 5:41

if that's out of left field.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Nah, nah, not at all. Not at all. I I think that that's uh the responsible perspective, you know. Um when we talk about responsibilities, accountabilities, you know, you you own in it. Like that's that's your job, that's what you insure, and nobody's gonna be able to do it better for you because obviously you have a vested interest. So I get that all day long.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So like I said, you know, that was something that I kind of had to figure out because um, you know, it just feels like if you're lacking in one, I will say like it has to be a balance of all of that stuff, though. Like the finance, the spiritual, the like all of it has to come into play because if you're lacking in one area, you're gonna you're gonna notice it and you're gonna feel like, you know, oh I'm slacking here, you know, and it might and and it might get to you, but I think the the way over that is just like perspective. I really just stepping back and looking at you know what what you're doing, give yourself some credit for what you've done, and then just continue to to to move on and adapt to see how you could to you know be a better provider and protector.

SPEAKER_02 6:58

Man, you know what, J that's so good because uh, and even really putting it into another perspective when we talk about being fathers, right? Before we're fathers, obviously we're partners. And so um protecting and providing for our partner, first and foremost, is definitely gonna be um you know the primary situation, man. And it gets interesting where we are in 2026 when we when we think about our counterparts and how they feel and that and what they think being a provider is and being a protector. Do you do you think that you know these ladies in 2026? Obviously, it's case by case, but do you think that they value what it truly is to be a provider and protector outside of the the the surface? What you thinking?

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Yeah, I think I think that you have some that will say that. I think that um there are some that will value it or understand it, but I think there's a lot that don't really uh don't really understand it because for one, they'll never really be in that position. And I don't want to like try to

Modern Expectations In Relationships

SPEAKER_01 8:16

tear anybody down by saying this with I think I mean, you know, I'm just I'm just calling out because I've heard from single mothers say like um, you know, you don't need well, I ain't even gonna say maybe not single mothers, but I've heard women say that they don't need protection and provision anymore. They just need um someone that's emotionally um intelligent or emotionally understanding because they can provide for themselves and they can protect themselves. Um that's what I've heard. And I'm I don't think all women feel like that. It's a lot of understand that um letting a man assume that right um a lot of times can be safer and probably just more beneficial for you than trying to uh take on another role because you already got a role for yourself that a man can't, you know, can't do. So you're trying to do another role on top of that is it's like overbearing. It's not always gonna be the best look. Um, but I know you know it's women out there that feel like they got everything that they need and and and it's all good. But you know, there can be some balance.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

It it gets it gets really interesting because uh, and I don't want to veer off too too far, but I I wanted to talk about the counterpart as well when we talk about protecting and providing, it it there has to be an understanding of maybe whatever you thought protection and providing was prior to you know being in a marriage or being in a relationship. Uh you you have to be open-minded, right? I and I think that's kind of where the gap is. It's like some folks have been so accustomed to doing things for such a long time that they literally feel like they can be the only ones to do it, or that their method or methodology or ideology is is what it is. And so, like your example, our counterparts are women, baby. You do do you think that at any point you would have to risk your life for your family? Like, I mean, is that something that that comes across your mind? I'm not talking about childbirth, ladies, chill, right? I don't I'm not talking about that, but I'm talking about when it comes down to it, are you gonna be the one that that stands that shields the family, if you will? Like, did do you even contemplate that being an option or a possibility? And so that's what I would be really, really interested in if they feel that way, because if we go to the monetary women are provided like a mug, they're making great money, uh, they're educated, they finding amazing ways to be creative with their finances, they're so resilient that a lot of them, you know, came up, you know, they came up from a lot of struggles, you know, food stamps, wick, all that stuff. Now they, you know, they they're doing it from a financial standpoint, but they're mentally and emotionally and spiritually drained from doing that. And I think that's because it's not the natural order that God had uh put together for that's not the right dynamic. Yeah, no, so the so they're stressing out about things they shouldn't be able to that they shouldn't be stressing out about. They're they're having to be super creative and putting themselves in in certain positions, situations that they really shouldn't have because that's that's the man's opportunity, and that's his uh that's his duty to protect and provide so that she can, as they say, rest in her femininity. Isn't that a isn't that a fun phrase for to hear women say?

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah, yeah, rest, yeah, rest in my femininity.

SPEAKER_02 13:33

Yeah. We want them to do that, but but let's but let's uh let's let's get back to it. You mentioned a lot of good things when you when you mentioned uh just not you know financially. Financially is important, we're not gonna downplay that. Um, because because lack of finances can make a lot of the other ones, you know, uh a lot of pressure on them. But but emotionally, spiritually, mentally, uh, I just I just want to deal with this real quick. How do you feel about providing from a a spiritual, from an emotional, and from uh uh a mental aspect, and that's you know, your significant other and the child.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Yeah, so I think that uh when we talk about spiritual, because you know, depending on who you ask, you know, everybody's got a different definition about it. But I would say this whatever your uh walk of faith is, um, I do think it's important that as a as a family, there is uh a source there. There is something uh that you know holds a family together, that that glues y'all together, um whatever that is. So um you gotta feed that. You know what I'm saying? You have to

Spiritual And Emotional Leadership

SPEAKER_01 14:54

be involved with that as a family. Um this is, you know, whatever, what what whatever it is, you know, I don't get too specific with that because I know everybody's different, but um whatever it is that you use to uh to pray, to uh, you know, to you know, everybody does, you know, something different. But that I I do I just believe that should be at the core, um, at the core. So as far as the emotional part about it, uh, you know, as as a as a dad, as a father, um this is where I'm not gonna say there's a struggle, but I think that you definitely have to be uh attentive and just present when when you're doing that. Because I know me, I can get um into my not saying like in my feelings, but maybe maybe maybe my phrase is like out of my feelings. You know what I'm saying? Like maybe I'm not in touch with them enough so that, and and and it's not on purpose. Like maybe some things just go unnoticed, you know, and and I don't have a uh the response you would with respect to it because um I'm not there emotionally. I I hate to use that phrase, but I just can't come up with anything more sophisticated. But I'm not trying to make myself sound like I'm emotionally unavailable, like they say, but um you know there there are some roadblocks and some things that you gotta work on when it comes to that stuff, and it's it's always gonna be uh a work in progress. But it's it's super important, man. It's super important to balance all of that stuff, the spiritual side, the emotional side, the financial side. And that's really what it means to be a protector and a provider is finding out within the family how can I get these systems to all gel together and make sure that we're all on the same page. Because we know, as you know, at the head of the family, if it's if it's you know off off kilter, off balance, that's going to trickle down and affect the entire house. Um, you know, so it's our duty and our job to make sure that at the very least that it is uh uh appearing, you know what I'm saying? Because even that appearance matters because you know the family views you, they they look at you every day, they're seeing what you're going through, they they're making sure, you know, if you're good, then everybody good. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Yeah, that's real. You know, when it when when you break it down to our responsibility, you know, to our children, when you think about spiritually, emotionally, mentally, it it it really takes uh it takes a village, it takes a family effort to really do that because historically, I mean, you know, what are we really taught um in our community about you know providing mentally, providing spiritually, this that's not, you know, this beyond uh the surface level of of things. And it it takes a lot of learning, man. You know, I I still don't have the answers, Jay.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

You know, so I I don't expect you to.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

Right, you know, so it's like you you want to encourage your family, your community, your friends, your, you know, the other fathers and men that you know that to continue to uh explore, you know, see what works for you, but just be open to uh learning, you know, and I and I think that's where women come in so significantly because they are a little bit more uh emotionally uh you know in tune and how to reach those. And then, you know, sometimes as guys, I mean, historically, man, we tough. We just we just get it done, you know, just just get it done. We don't really care about how you get it done, we just want to know when it's done and just make it happen. And so really uh when we're breaking it down for uh from a mental standpoint, a spiritual standpoint, we got to dig deep. And I think that's why it's so important, man, to encourage encourage each other, just so we can also see each other navigate through these things, exploring your emotions, uh, finding different ways to uh hone in from a uh a mental stimulation standpoint, man, to really reach and dig on where you need to dig because we don't really even deal with this until we're fathers, until we're husbands, until we're significant others. There's really no other reason to do it, but on a certain level of protecting and providing, and that typically, uh, as we talked about before, is is you know, money, literally providing, making sure there's a roof, clothes, food, you know, the necessities. And so, man, we you becoming a father really opens up a whole nother chamber, if you will, of uh uh of emotions and of levels and depths uh that we get to explore, man. And and you know, I I love that. And uh, you know, I also think that we have to talk about, you know, just we we'll be remiss to not talk about the uh the situation with the young man, uh what is it after Mississippi?

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Uh oh you are you're Nolan. You have Nolan Wells.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

Right. So Nolan Wells for the for uh maybe the two or three people in this world that haven't heard about that story, um uh a young uh uh black man, young man that took a boat trip with his uh his white friends on the 4th of July. Yeah. And uh, you know, there's just so many details, but supposedly um he he didn't, you know, he he didn't make the boat trip back, but the white friends made the trip back and and told the family. I think they handed his cell phone. And uh I mean Jay, it's just in 2026, man, we're dealing with so many uh issues when it comes to protecting our uh young black men and young black women and their safety. We we we see enough garbage about

Nolan Wells And Safety Fears

SPEAKER_02 21:27

the the brutality and the the law enforcement, the the injustice in the judicial system, yeah. You know, but stories like this in plain sight is is is wild. So, you know, I mean I know I know that uh and you can kind of share a little bit about it. I think you know a little bit about it, but yeah, I know that they did hire attorney uh uh Ben Crump. So, you know, of course, it's it's it's gonna be real now. It's getting really real.

SPEAKER_01 21:59

Yeah, yeah, you know, and I it's it's so tough. First, first of all, I just want to say, you know, thoughts and prayers to the family. Um, you know, that's tough. It's super tough, you know, being fathers, uh just being a parent, you you never think that you would be in that type of situation. So you don't even, you know, you you don't think about it. So who knows the reaction, how how that could be, you know, what uh the mom is feeling like.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Um it's it's just super tough. Um I hate when these type of stories come out and it becomes super uh like politically charged and everybody's got something to say about um, you know, race and all this different stuff, which, you know, we all know um, you know, things play a part, but at least first let's just, you know, let these people have a chance to to grieve and and and really get down to the bottom of it because I saw some videos, um, you know, of course it was online, you see the pictures and the videos, and it's so tough in this day and age too, because you don't know. There's not enough um verified information out there, and they're throwing out fake photos, AI pictures, like it's so crazy nowadays that you don't really know um you know what the truth is. All you know is that you feel, you know, sorry and maybe upset for the situation. Um, like how do you how do you process something like that? Um, you know, as a parent, I just my heart really, really, really, really goes out, man. That's tough. Um it's just super tough.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Yeah, yeah, man. It it is good grief. You know, I can't imagine um just being in that position and not getting any real answers.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

You know, yeah, that's the that's the crazy part about it.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

When when we when we know that if it was a different situation, yeah that uh law enforcement, that there'd be uh all kinds of investigators involved. Because we've seen that before. Of course, yeah. And I'm not even trying to be funny, but you know, sometimes even pets get a better investigation. You know, animals.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:25

You know, they dig in, hey, what happened to this animal and this type of stuff? So it's uh it's heartbreaking, it's tough. Uh so like you said, you know, prayers, uh that you know, they do get some answers. I don't know what justice looks like because you can't bring the life back of Nolan. So uh at least allow them to get some answers and and you know whatever happened and whoever did it, man, there has to be some repercussions.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Yeah, I I I want I I do I desperately want them to get more evidence. I want there to be more information. I want people to start talking. I mean, that's really the main thing. Like it seems like nobody saw nothing, nobody wants to say anything. You got all these different. I just want to know what happened. As a parent, I would want to know, at least give me that peace to know. You know what I'm saying? And who knows how this affects. These type of cases really affect um like the the entire consciousness of uh America, you know, because it's so highly publicized. Now you got people leaning on one side, and then other people leaning on the left, you know, it's it's awkward coffee room talk, like all these different things. And it's coming even right off the the heel of the uh the Carmelo Anthony situation. So it just seems like it's really, you know, kind of staring, staring people up to get them upset and things like that. So I just, you know, I wish for the best, I hope for the best, and I hope for justice and answers as well. I'd definitely be uh staying um abreast on this for sure.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Yeah, yeah, definitely. You know, much respect, much uh prayers out there, and and uh unfortunately it's not the only story that's out there. You know, this happens all the time. This happens literally every day. What whether we realize, you know, whether we it makes front page or back page or whatever the case is, we know that there's a lot of uh missing people out here, and so that's just so tough for parents. You know, we just continue to encourage you know, families to lock in. Like, you know, whatever you got going on from a personal standpoint, man, there's nothing worth it uh because tomorrow is not promised to you, not promised to me, to anybody. And you don't want to be in a situation where you wish you told somebody you loved them, you wish that uh you let them know that you were proud of them. Uh you you would have wished that you picked up that phone call when they called you or you know, sent you a text. Um and you know, it it's just tough. So uh I don't know, Jay. You know, being a protector and a provider um as a father is is definitely um life-changing. Um and it's definitely a a group effort when it comes down to it. And you know, so that's why we got to stick it together um as families, as

Community, Grief, And Staying Connected

SPEAKER_02 27:30

community, and uh, and as a tribe. And I and I feel like if we continue to have that aspect, that outlook, um, then we can be a lot better prepared when it comes to situations that um are really tough, and it's gonna take more than just that household to really get through it. Right. I agree. Yeah, so that's it. Look, guys, we will uh lock out with you guys next episode. We thank you for listening to this episode. Continue to uh send us those questions and topics and things like that. But for now, we're signing off.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Check three times. I'm checking out. We gone.